In the Restroom on the Mighty Blue Ridge!

Just about a week ago and pretty much right after church, Scot and I gathered the kids and piled into the minivan for an impromptu trip to the Blue Ridge Mountains.  We traveled up there and we had a great afternoon.  The kids enjoyed getting out and running around at this one particular stop.  They enjoyed the freedom to run and play in the newly fallen Autumn leaves.

As time had passed, Scot and I thought that it would be good to set off on another adventure in the mountains.  So we collected our stuff and headed for a short hike.  Being the mom that I am and after spotting a restroom, I asked the girls if they needed to use the facilities before we continued on our journey.  Paisley indicated that she needed to go so she and I headed into the restroom.  As we waited inside for a free stall and an available toilet, I was busy doing what most mom's do when they are a germ-a-phobe like myself--scanning and evaluating the surroundings and its cleanliness, or lack there of, for which me and my little ones must endure and suffer through because well you know that I have some pretty high standards for my OCD frame of mind!  Well, as we stood there waiting, Paisley started to sing a song that she had learned in Preschool Quest earlier in the day (Sunday school essentially at our church during the first service).  I looked down at her and smiled.

As we entered the bathroom stall and while I planned out our plan of attack against the germs, Paisley began singing louder.  She started off with a song about the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost which included such sweet little hand motions.  She followed that song with "I've Got a River of Life" and then proceeded to stop mid phrase to say "Mommy, Jesus died on the Cross for us." 

"Yes dear, you are very right," I replied with a smile.

"That was a nice thing for Him to do," she continued.

"It was.  He died for our sins."

 As I replied to her, I thought about all those who were in the restroom with us and most definitely were hearing us.  I started to wonder what they thought of our goings-on in the bathroom stall and our topic of conversation.  I wondered if any one was blessed; and believe it or not, I became slightly worried if anyone was offended.  As that thought quickly rushed into my brain I then rebutted it by thinking about my rights as an American--Freedom of Speech and Freedom of Religion.

However, I was struck by the fact that those first thoughts had even entered my brain and how Paisley simply could care less of who was around.  She set an example of spreading God's love and the Gospel to me that afternoon as she continued on singing songs from church with out a care in the world who was hearing.  And I jumped in and sang along with her.

We were met with smiles as we came out and I prayed that through Paisley's innocence and excitement over the Gospel that somebody in there was blessed that afternoon. The river of life flowed out of her!  So much we can learn and gain from our children as I was reminded of that that afternoon in the restroom on the mighty Blue Ridge!

Seize the Day

"I would live in the moment--the present.  I would seize the day," I replied with tears filling my eyes for a second time during that afternoon's session with the Biblical counselor. I want to seize the day I thought to myself as I realized that I finally had grasped a part of the puzzle of overcoming my anger. My response was in reference to a question that she had asked me: If you could set aside your habitual anger, what healthy traits would you choose?

Sure, I have had some legitimate reasons to be pissed off.  Having precious times with my husband and my children be tainted by the memories of others' passed wrongs and choices that have undoubtedly changed the scope of my life and future life when I was a child and now into my adulthood, makes me angry.  At times livid.  It shouldn't have to be that way.  Yes, I long for sincere recognition of the sacrifices I made and was forced to make when I was younger.  But the fact of the matter is that although as nice as some recognition and affirmation would be from loved ones as well as for them to take ownership of their choices and actions would be for me, in retrospect I can't go through life expecting that as nice as it would be that one day it will indeed happen; when in fact, in many regards, it probably won't.

And please do forgive me.  I do know that to several of you this sounds much like "my diary screaming aloud," but I assure that it is because I have something I want to share that I have learned.  As angry as I am about my passed and how it sometimes makes me feel as I am trying to embrace motherhood and the present as well as when I am consumed by what others say or believe of me that is simply untrue or unfounded (a form of idolatry on my part), letting it all go begins with me and only me...and well with God's help too mind you.

When I think about a loved one in my life who seems so hell bent on just being angry no matter what blessings could actually be staring right in that person's face, I have realized that that is where my life is headed if I do not change.  Years and years of this person being habitually angry has landed them with relationships breaking with in their own family presently.  And when I heard one of their children state when did they become so angry?--I knew I wanted more for me and my family.

My husband and kids deserve to have all of me present in the here and now.  I want to embrace those times with them instead of using the present to relive the past to try to change the future.  The here and now is all I've got.  Time flies and the kids grow quickly.  Why waste such precious moments in time that will not come again to dwell in the past and try to predict the future that only God knows about anyways.  The future is so unpredictable.

Just with in the last two years, I have realized how precious and short life here on earth really is and how every minute counts--really truly counts.  I want my husband and my kids and others to have every bit of me in the here and now.  Worrying is in vain and so is being angry, which for me sometimes coincides.  It's like that one Sunscreen song from 1998 Worrying is like trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.  The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind--the kind that blind sides you at 4 PM on some idle Tuesday. 

Embrace today.  Grab it and hold onto it like it was in the palm of your hand.  Don't look for tomorrow; live for today.  Make today count.  See today's blessings.  And if you are having problems doing so, spend whatever moment you can and throughout the day thanking God for whatever positives you can absolutely find, no matter how simple it may seem--thank Him.  It has helped me seize the day.

And if you are like me and you have circumstances in your life that have left you bitter, you need to choose to be more Christ like in your love and emotions towards others.  And yes it is a choice.  It doesn't have to be this way.  You do not have to be a door mat but you don't want to be an old moldy sponge for anger to soak through either.  While I am currently working to let the past and anger go, I believe that it is possible.  I just can't be passive about it anymore.  While negative thoughts still come, I have to actively choose to push those negative ones aside and think of different ones.  Learn what you can from it and then just let it go.  Flush the anger and the past like they were in your toilet--close the lid, press the handle and walk away, and may be turn the air vent on for a time or use the smelling spray, but in due time the stench will dissipate.

And if there are circumstances and people that have left you feeling bitter, frustrated, irritated and resentful (all aspects of anger) I leave you with part of the following song (the words of which are to the best of my knowledge from memory) that may shed a different light on it all.

Every long lost dream
Led me to where you are...

Others who broke my heart
They were just northern stars
Pointing me on my way
Into your loving arms.

This much I know is true
God bless the broken road
that led me straight to you.

Selah ~ Broken Road


SEIZE THE DAY!!! 

Road Rage Idiot

So last Thursday, I made my usual right hand turn out of the school property onto the road after picking Skye up from school.  It was warm but not too warm outside, and I was enjoying the nice weather with my windows down and my sun roof opened.  I looked into my rear view mirror and saw a familiar seen--a driver going at least 20 mph over the school zone speed limit.  Sometimes, these idiots and careless drivers finally get a clue and slow up a bit, but every once in a while I get an impatient driver who ignores the flashing yellow lights of the school zone.  Occasionally, I will have one such driver tail me real close.  Too close.  And I often briefly put my hazards on for such drivers to tell them to back off.  It usually works and they back off for the remainder of the school zone.  Two weeks prior, I did have one such driver tail me and then proceeded to speed up and go around me by using a left hand only turning lane.  However, in that idiot's case, she made her dumb move right in front of a police officer who promptly, lights and all, pulled the traffic offender over.  I felt victorious in my law abiding manner and well the kids just thought the lights and sirens on the police cruiser was exciting!

Anyways... back to this story at hand.  This guy was different.  He came roaring up on my bumper and remained there.  He was less than a foot from my bumper.  I couldn't see his tags, headlights and a good chunk of his hood.  So I did what I usually do.  I mumbled my usual name of idiot and turned on my hazards.  The both girls stopped as I must have mumbled the words louder than normal.  Skye turned around in her seat and remarked how close he was driving.  Though as soon as I used my hazards for a few seconds, the driver got the hint and backed off. 

Now usually this is where my story ends but this was not the case with this idiot driver; because as soon as I accelerated up the hill after the end of the school zone, he roared up to the side of the van and my blind spot and remained there.  My heart started racing.  I shouted idiot a few more times as he rushed up beside me and then stopped.  It was like he was trying to pin me in my lane.  I heard his engine roar with rage as he started to violently accelerate to my door.  I thought he was going to try to drive me off the road.  I proceeded to say "God help us" for which the driver then veered quickly away from me yelling at me while getting in the left hand turning lane.  I blared the daylights out of my horn to let him know I was aware of the crap he just tried to pull and I was going to let everyone around us know what I thought of the idiot driver.  We made our right hand turn with my heart still pounding.  I kept saying idiot over and over again and my hands were shaking a little too.  I kept wondering what kind of angry individual would behave that way in a school zone especially with children on board?  Who could be that angry to get that mad at a law abiding citizen and then start in with road rage with children in the vehicle?

Well, we pulled up to our house with me still making remarks about what had just occurred.  No foul words came out of my mouth during that span of time except may be damn it once under my breath but my name calling of idiot sure did--over and over again.  As we got out of the van with the children upset about what had just occurred Paisley proceeded to say, "But Mommy, you probably will never see that idiot again." She stopped me in my tracks as she made me think about the words that I had spoken as well as her words and meanings while making me laugh about it all in one swoop!  She was right.  I probably was not going to ever see him again so it was time to drop it.

As Skye and I started with homework later on, we did what we usually do before we start--we prayed over her school and her day.  So instead of cursing the idiot driver like I really wanted too--like wishing that he would fall down the stairs or something as a punishment for his crime and road rage--we prayed for his anger, ugliness, lack of love, his mistake and for his need of a Savior.  We prayed for him to be blessed...