So Long 2010. It Has Been Real. Hello 2011!

The birth of my son, Ian, was the highlight of this year--2010. Besides his birth and for the exception of some family milestones such as Skye attending Kindergarten for instance, 2010 has been riddled with trials for me and my family. And as I would like to forget a few of the lows, I also have to remember how they have helped shape me and mold me to be the Christian and person that I am this very day.

I am looking forward to a new year and perhaps one filled with a few less trials. I say this with the full knowledge that there are some unknowns going into 2011. Ian's left kidney is still a concern and he will be having another round of tests in three months; Paisley has a sinus infection but not a chest infection, so I will count my blessings and thank God for his goodness; I am waiting on results of a mole that was pulled off of my body just a day or two prior that my dermatologist didn't like; and my leap of faith into God's great unknown will deepen this year. With that all, however, I now know that God is with us walking with me and my family every step of the way. He is there to strengthen us and to guide us through what life has in store and what 2011 will bring. I am not sure if I could have said that leading into last year. God is good.

So long 2010. It has been real. Hello 2011!

Freedom

Unfortunately, with in the last few months, as irrational as it may be and sound, the thoughts of snow would make my stomach turn. Just about a year prior, I would be excited at any prospect of snow. I would be like a kid again and get excited. Excited to see it and play in it.

However, after Skye came down with pneumonia during the large snow fall in late January/early February, my opinion of the 'white stuff' changed. Skye had played in the snow a great deal but came down with a bad cough and then a fever which eventually landed her in the hospital. When I think of that time, I think about illness and me being 25-weeks-pregnant shoveling snow when I realized that Skye was very sick and needed attention while Scot was at work one day. I shoveled snow from the van while trying not to fall on the ice and pull any stomach muscles. It was purely exhausting shoveling snow while being that far along, but like any mom, I did what I had to do.

I also remember a few days while Skye was very sick in the hospital, driving through small snow showers to and from the hospital and seeing snow flurries from Skye's hospital room window. I hated the snow. And as one of my sisters commented to me recently that she couldn't believe that I had become someone who couldn't stand the snow, I am afraid that it had become the truth. Me and the snow were not BFFs anymore. Perhaps irrational... perhaps I am experiencing some post traumatic syndrome of some sort... that is how I felt and to be honest with you I think I had the right to feel that way if I wanted to for the time being.

The first snowfall we had two weeks ago, I hated and didn't want much of anything to do with it. I wanted a snow free winter season. I didn't want to go in it; play in it; walk in it; or even just plain look at it. Scot took the kids out to play.

However, seeing Skye enjoy it and not associate it with her illness from almost a year ago slowly started to reassure me, a little. I really had to talk my self though it though.

As this last huge snow storm came rolling in, my attitude about it again was still some what negative. Besides associating it with Skye's severe pneumonia, it was also putting a damper on our Christmas plans. As we were able to eventually forge through the weather and enjoy our Christmas plans with family, being around my family and seeing my kids excited started to change my attitude a little. As my twin (aka the Snow Queen) got more and more excited about the snow and wanting to take family photos in the snow, I began to talk myself through it once again and convinced myself to try to enjoy it.

Once we were outside, I kept worrying about whether the girls were warm enough, even though I knew and had learned from Skye's doctors that pneumonia has nothing to do with the weather and body temperature (a misconception); but that it is caused by bacteria, a virus, or some kind of fungus. Regardless of this knowledge, however, I was worrying about the girls just the same. Then I finally made the effort. I gave the girls' health over to God. In a quick prayer I placed their health and my fears in God's hands. With my family's excitement and trusting in God, I had a blast in that large snowfall!

God was there and He answered my prayers... FREEDOM

A Toy Drum Stick and a Little Shiny Ornament

"Girls! Settle down!" I said as I was making dinner. "Girls I said calm down!" I could feel a mommy moment coming on as I continued to prep dinner. "OKAY!" I shouted. "Time out!" The girls went into time out for a second time for rough housing. The girls had been quietly playing earlier in the evening but something seemed to turn on inside them. A switch if you will.

It seems that every time that Scot is not going to be home for dinner, that evening is when all chaos breaks loose and disobedience soon follows. Although to be honest with you, I am not sure if they misbehave anymore when Scot doesn't join us for dinner, or rather that it appears that way because Scot, my 'sidekick' and my 'co-parent,' isn't around at the usual time and my patience with the day and 'mommy hood' is drawing to a close quicker than it would otherwise as I am dabbling with single parenting.

As dinner was warming I got the girls out of their prison term and once again told them that when we rough house the chances of someone getting hurt and such is much greater. As I went back to the dinner duties I heard the sounds of rough play begin once again. I shouted from the kitchen for their current activity to stop and then I went back to the food and scooping it out upon our plates when I heard it. Heard an all too familiar sound that most parents will have heard at some point in their parenting that often is associated with the holidays.

It was the sound of small splintering of simple glass. Glass from a shiny little ornament. Not knowing which ornament it was or what exactly occurred that brought the little shiny ornament to an abrupt end, one thing was certain--a Christmas ornament was broken and the girls direct disobedience was the cause.

As I quickly rounded the dining room and entered the living room I could see Skye looking stunned on her hands and knees, picking up red shattered glass for which I shouted to her to leave it alone because I didn't want her to get cut because they were sharp. As I got to the tree, I found a red glass ornament with a familiar gold design on each piece. Skye broke an ornament that one of my students had given to me 5 years prior. I became angry especially as I surveyed the ornament carnage in my living room and beneath the tree and through out the presents. Parts of the ornament had made it to the adjoining wall and sliding door. Below the branch that hung the remaining small jagged piece of the little shiny ornament to the tree by its lonely hook was the culprit--a toy drum stick. A toy drum stick that appeared to have been tossed... hurling through the air at the tiny little red shiny ornament with the gold details.

Skye looked as though guilt had suddenly seized her and she was mourning the loss of the ornament.

After a long time out was sentenced for the two little defendants and after I cleaned the carnage and dinner was finally served, the girls were paroled from their time of incarceration, we proceed to have the most quiet dinner as a family we have ever had. No one muttered a single word except for Baby Ian. Skye sat with tears in her eyes, partly from my reaction to the crime, partly from the punishment of the crime and partly for the pretty shiny ornament that had been doomed to the trash can and the vacuum cleaner.

Sometimes things happen in our lives to help shape us. However, there are other times in our lives that things happen as a direct result of disobeying God's warnings. We choose to do what we want to do even though we know that our heavenly Father is telling us to do something different. God has our best interests in mind. Sometimes though we still knock our "shiny little ornament" off the tree. It is not fun and it can be difficult but we have to accept where we placed ourselves. The good thing, however, is God is like me--a parent. Even though we may still have to deal with the consequences that our direct disobedience caused, He doesn't want us to get cut and so He helps pick up the broken 'pieces.'