The Waiting Room

I hate waiting.  For those of you who know me well, you know that the waiting game has never been something that I have been good at.  Patience has never been, nor am I starting to think that it will ever be, a virtue of mine. 

I remember the first time I realized that patience was not a strong suit of mine.  I was in Kindergarten waiting in line for the water fountain.  I was telling some of my class mates to hurry up with drinking so that I could quench my thirst from playing outside in the warm weather.  All of a sudden I felt Miss Neil's hands grab my shoulders and with her firm grip upon my shoulders, she led me to the very back of the line where she proceeded to tell me that I needed to learn how to be patient.  Tears welled up in my little blue eyes as I realized how my actions in the end made me wait longer and how I was scolded by my teacher; however, she was right.

Here on this earth we have many situations and circumstances that cause us to wait.  The downside to waiting is that society today leads us to believe that "Waiting is for losers," for which my Pastor described a few weeks ago during a sermon about waiting.  He discussed how sometimes waiting is where we need to be and waiting is good. I agreed. I mean Scot and I had to wait almost a year to be blessed with conceiving our first child.  And if I had to do it again and I had to wait longer to be blessed with a child I would do it because waiting for a blessing like that is worth the wait.  Also, looking back on that time before Skye, I can see how God used that time to plant a seed of change in my heart for the years and situations ahead.

Here I am again, however, waiting impatiently.  And sadly, I feel like I have back slid a little from the lessons I have learned just years prior.  I feel like God opened a door for Scot and I and we walked right on through it only for that door to just lead us into a small, cramped hallway so to speak, waiting for another locked door to open for which God has the only key.  I feel myself questioning God as to why He even opened the one door in the first place if frankly He was just planning on leaving us in this hallway for a period of time anyways.

I almost feel like I did a few weeks ago when things beyond my control led me straight to the same waiting room twice in less than one week's time.  When the first visit with the doctor didn't go my way when God went ahead and did things His way instead; and then I was faced with a few days of waiting for a phone call that would just land me back in for a second time with the doctor.  I sat there in the waiting room for the second time waiting again which I had already been doing for about the last four days prior and I was anticipating for the wait to be over but nervous about my reasons for the second visit and what it could bring.  I sat there in the waiting room questioning God as to why it was this way while also thanking Him for other answered prayers at the same time.  I also sat there waiting for the meds that I had taken in preparation for that visit to start taking affect, realizing there were no good reading materials, texting two of my friends for prayer and support, looking at all the other people who were also waiting and doing this all while I was wiggling my right foot nervously waiting for the nurse to call my name.  Soon the door opened and my name was called and I was led back only to have to wait an hour longer in a small room by myself with the nurse checking in on me occasionally.  Eventually, my doctor came in; however, as it was a relief for me to see her, it was only then when I had to ultimately relinquish control as I had to place my trust in her as my doctor for my physical well being. 

I feel like the waiting room is a great analogy to describe our relationship with God especially during a time of waiting.  We are all sitting in the waiting room of life waiting for our turn.  We are waiting for the door to open and for our name to be called; however, sometimes when one wait is over it doesn't necessarily mean that another hasn't begun.  Often we try to find other things to fill our time as we wait such as friends, activities, reading materials and such like what I did finally as I waited for my doctor in the little room when I had discovered I had game demos on my cell phone for which I chose to play as I wanted to pass the time away. 

My doctor saw the whole picture too.  When she arrived she explained her reasons why she had to make me wait.  She had other patients who had needs that day and one definitely needed her attention first, which led to the decision to make me wait. That scenario reminds me of how God sees the whole picture as well.  He knows "the bigger picture" and although there are often times we may not know why God allowed things to happen or why we are forced to wait, we have to trust that there is a reason and that God has our well being in mind as well as that of others.  For instance, as parents we often are forced to tell our children to wait for various reasons and often times our children do not always understand why we are making them wait; however, most times there is a good reason as to why we must make them wait. 

Sometimes as we wait, we are one of a few different kinds of patients that we often see in the waiting room of doctor offices.  For instance, there are those individuals who do not want anyone to notice how anxious and fearful they are during the wait.  And yet there are others who gladly talk loudly amongst themselves as to share with everyone in the waiting room the details of their wait and the purpose of their visit.  Lastly, there are others who get agitated when it looks like their wait is longer than others who are also in the waiting room with out knowing the details of the other person's visit and/or wait.

And even when the wait is finally over, most times, like me with my doctor for instance, we then still have to place our trust in God as the wait comes to an end.  It is still beyond our control in many respects and who knows what hurdle we may still have to overcome later. Sometimes when the path is unclear and we are unsure what our next step shall be, we need to wait and to pray.  And perhaps waiting is the best step to take in many circumstances.

I am currently in a season of waiting.  Not sure when the wait will be over, but I have to trust in my "heavenly doctor."  As I have been forced to wait in one area in my life, I have also decided that I must place myself in a time of waiting in some other areas in my life as well, as rushing to make quick decisions with out waiting upon the Lord and evaluating everything could inherently make other situations worse or all the more unclear.  Even though the world around me is demanding a quick action, waiting is what I have decided to do for now.  The other waiting is completely in God's control.

And as I wait, I know that it is NOT by coincidence that I am waiting during a time for which my Pastor has chosen to take the Advent season--remembering the waiting of the coming Savior--to discuss and to teach on waiting in our lives.  Again perfect timing that I do not take lightly.  My Pastor discussed the following scripture just a few short weeks ago: "I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard me cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.  He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear and put their trust in God.  Psalms 40:1-3 (NIV)

I leave you with part of the following song although I know that it isn't necessarily Biblically based, although I have heard a contemporary Christian music artist sing it once; but I know that God can use anything to speak to us--really anything.  So here is a little segment from the version I have on my iPod from Miley Cyrus' The Climb.  (And as a side note, even though Miley hasn't been making the best choices possibly for her life God loves her too.)  As I am not going to quote the entire song, this song is mainly referring to one's hopes and dreams.  God knows the desires of your heart.  He knows our hopes and dreams; and while not all desires will be fulfilled in the way in which we would prefer them to be some times, by God's grace and love, those desires can be quenched through Him.

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments
That I'm going to remember most
Yeah just got to keep going
And I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on


Cause there's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle
Sometimes your going to have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
Its the climb


Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith


It's all about the climb
Keep your faith
Keep your faith

Little Orphan Giraffe

I sat down with Paisley this afternoon to play with her.  Like normal, she enjoyed telling me what to do and instructed me on how to play and what to play as she gave me her play by play.  Each little stuffed animal was on a sofa pillow and she explained how she was taking care of them and putting them to bed.  She decided to introduce me to each of her stuffed little friends.  As she did, she came across a little giraffe where she proceeded to say, "I am taking care of her, because her mother died."

Now if you know Paisley, she often plays this way.  One of her playmates is often missing a parent or loses a parent through death.  I often wonder to myself if she is another Walt Disney who seemed to have a thing about killing off parents and leaving children with out a loving home as many of the company's movies are associated with a parental loss of some kind, especially that of mothers.  Many times when Paisley plays this way, I try to tell her to play more positively or ask her why she feels that a death or loss must occur; and I wonder why my daughter plays that way and I steer the play in a different more positive direction even though I slightly hound her for playing the way she was originally.

Today, however, was different for me.  I came to a realization that I never had before.  May be part of it was the conversation that T. and I had at church today.  Regardless, I came to the new realization as I watched Paisley play; and it brought tears to my eyes.  As I watched Paisley tuck the little orphaned giraffe into "bed" I realized that most times when Paisley plays that way, she is taking care of the orphaned child, or another character (stuffed animal or Barbie or even Polly Pockets) is either taking care of, or loving, the orphan. 

The fact is simply this: orphans exist.  Whether through death or in some version of abandonment, they exist.  They need people to want to take care of them.  And yes while I have tried to refocus Paisley's play sometimes to focus on more positive things in play, may be I shouldn't anymore primarily due to two reasons: 1) Life isn't hunky dory.  It's not always filled with positive things.  Sometimes there are sad things and there are needs to be met.  There are orphans in this world with out a family to love them; and to deny it, is simply ignorant. 2) Joy can come from and for an orphan through a placement in a forever home or people to love them in various ways, which is a positive.

When I see C.'s two newly adopted sons, who recently joined her family of five, and when I hear them calling her "Mom" and "Mommy" everyday that I see them together, my heart flutters and tears come to my eyes.  C and her husband are not the only ones who have brought precious orphans into their lives.  Between my church and some other associations, I have been blessed and moved in regards to orphan care.  My church has been touched in so many ways by orphans, adoption and fostering with in the last few years.  It has opened my eyes to a growing need in this world.

Scot and I have been doing a lot of praying and soul searching as to how, when and what our part shall be in regards to orphan care.  I believe that God has placed us in this church for a reason and has surrounded us with the people He has surrounded us with for a reason too.  As God has confirmed other things for us in recent weeks, I am left soul searching in other regards too and feeling somewhat confused now.  I am praying.  We need prayers.  I am not sure where the road will take us but God knows. 

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.    James 1:27

My Mommy Heart (update on Ian)

This morning at 8:40 AM, we saw Ian's gastroenterologist.  At first, I found my mommy heart breaking when even just undressing Ian to get weighed and measured and so on and so forth sent my precious son for a total breakdown.  His short little life has been filled with so many doctor visits and tests that have included pricks and more.  Ian grabbed onto my arm this morning whaling and shaking from nerves.  You could see the fear in his eyes when he realized the appointment was indeed for him and he was fearing what could come.

It was somewhat irritating to see the doc and the nurse thinking Ian was just reacting to seeing them and they kept reassuring him that it was okay.  For some reason it made me a little angry.  I guess I got a little angry because I knew Ian was reacting that way because even the second week of his birth, he was pricked, prodded, and tested; and that has pretty much been what he has experienced quite a bit throughout his short little young life here, which I have learned is all associated with Eve's disobedience and the fall (curse) for those of you who are in Wellspring with me and have been studying Genesis especially with in the last two weeks.  And WOW the timing on that study and Ian's doctor appointment!  Sorry that just totally dawned on me just now!  Enjoying my church's womens Bible study!

Anyways... so as a lump developed in my throat and tears filled my eyes watching my son react the way he did and feeling his hands grasp tightly around my arms and his legs grip my hip and waist when I had to pry him from me to sit him down to get weighed.  I was so relieved when the doc announced that while Ian was to continue seeing the speech therapist for his swallowing and he was to remain on the generic form of Prevacid for now, that at this time due to Ian's great weight gain and continued progress, no endoscopy was needed and that he did not feel the need to see Ian for another 6 months!

HUGE blessing! I am thanking God and giving Him the glory! I am thanking God that my son is a big boy!  Even though we decided to have an induction to have him not only because of his kidney problems but also because he was becoming a large baby boy, I am glad that he was and is a big boy!  It was because of his larger size, he was taken off of Amoxicillin earlier than some babies who have the same kidney conditions because he had space in his abdominal cavity.  He was given the clean bill of health for today too due to his healthy size, which was a blessing!

Perfect timing.  Just when I started to become a little discouraged, we get the news that Ian has a 6-month break from specialists such as the gastroenterologist and even his urologist!  Ian baby boy could use a break; and well, even his parents too.  I know atleast one thing, amongst so many other things mind you, that my mommy heart is thankful for this Thanksgiving!

When I'm Good and Ready

So I am not ready to discuss the details of our leap of faith and our current free fall; however, when I'm good and ready, be assured that I will.  It may be in parts.  I may not specifically state that I am discussing the 'leap,' but over time I will write about it and perhaps you will be able to piece the parts together in some regards.  I'm not ready yet though and I am not sure when I will be; but I will be at some point, because I can see God working already and our faith growing and I would like to share it with you.  I also have a "soapbox" to pull out and step upon in regards to one issue somewhat associated with this leap of faith, but until I am good and ready to share my opinions about it and to make them known, and until I also know that I am strong enough in my faith to face my critics and their opinions of me, because I know that I do have them, I will discuss it only with whom I see fit to share it with at this time.  Thank you!

God is Good!

Free Falling

Several months ago, perhaps close to a year ago, I put up a post explaining that Scot and I had made a decision to jump into the great unknown.  We were going to let God take the wheel so to speak; free fall into living in, with, by and through faith.  We wanted to experience faith-living. I wrote that we knew what we believed we had been called to do, but we would not know what the journey would be like or what the outcome would be.

There are so many variables that could come, and have already come, in a way, from this leap of faith.  There were already so many what-ifs and unknowns before we even took the leap; however, as Scot and I are such huge planners and we, especially me, have always taken the time to plan for the what-ifs, this leap of faith will, undoubtedly, grow our faith and trust in God all the more.

I say that as Scot and I made the decision a long time ago to leap, but that it wasn't going to be until three weeks from today before we would make our decision official by actually leaping.  As Scot and I had the official "jump" planned, God would have another one planned for us instead; and in many ways we are already currently free falling into the great unknown.  Our jump has in some ways begun sooner and more painful than we had planned for or thought that it would be.  While the jump is actually taking place now and not at all the way I had expected it to be, we are being nudged to do so now and have an obstacle in the way to deal with first as we jump. 

It was totally unexpected, I am one of a few to experience what we are experiencing, and its painful to say the least.  This has begun with the actual leap being difficult and painful.  More is ahead of me as well as Scot in the next few days, and as I am not at the point of sharing the details as of yet, changes are happening and will be happening while the unexpected is already occurring. 

But I will simply say the following for now: Although I was in tears today and although I am unsure what the next few days will bring for that matter, God is good and is in control.  And although I am nervous and fear has crept right on in, I am going to lay them at the foot of the Cross, even if I have to keep reminding myself to do so. We are, I am, free falling into the unknown now and although this free fall has begun with what many of you would consider as a negative, the circumstances we find ourselves in reaffirms our "jump of faith" all the more.

As I do not know how long we will fall, or where we will land, I do know one thing is for sure: God will be with us every step of the way and He will be there to catch us when its time for us to land!

Update on Little Man

Just thought that I would write up a quick update to get everyone up to speed with Little Man's G.I. issues.  After we discovered that it appears that at this time Little Man needs to continue with his acid reflux medication, we made an appointment with his gastroenterologist (may have missed spelt that but too lazy to look it up right now) for Nov. 22nd as we had minor set backs with Ian's progress.  We will discuss his health and concerns and revisit the possibility of doing an endoscopy again to rule out things.  I will write up a post as soon as I have more information.

Little Man is still seeing the speech pathologist and is making slow progress in learning how to swallow properly.  She informed me that it could take 6 to 8 additional months to correct his swallowing issues.  I will keep you all updated on his progress.

Please Note: That the preceding post has nothing to do with this one for any family members and friends who may become concerned about Little Man.  We are good and blessed!

"Make It A Good Day"

"Make it a good day," is a phrase that is often used by a local morning news anchor.  When I first heard him say it, I thought that surely that was a fluke.  But then I heard him saying it on several different mornings as his news broadcast would come to a close.  Then I thought about how not everyone watching the news program that morning are having a good day.  Some veiwers, like me about two years ago, are having anything but a good day.  And actually perhaps like we had, they were having a string of several bad days. 

Sometimes life has trials and situations that appear anything but good--illness, death, a broken heart, etc.  Sometimes you just can't control your day, so how could he say "Make it a good day?"  Because you can control your thoughts.  And even though I have no idea what his faith is, his words have spoken to me as he does know a key part in living.  You can control the day by controlling your thoughts and mind.

And I know I have probably repeated this topic on several occasions, but I am feeling led that someone out their still needs to hear it and be reminded of it.  In order to live a more joy filled life (and I am not talking about the giddy kind of joy, but the joy that consists of love and hope and forgiveness that only God can bring), you have to begin with being thankful.

Even in the darkest situations, find whatever positives you can find and thank God for them no matter how simple they may be "Thank you Lord, for the autumn leaves.  They are pretty." For Example.  Even thank God as you clean the toilet.  Thank Him for your family or even for the house He has helped provide for you.

You see it wasn't until I started finding the positives during Skye's illness that I realized God was in the midst by taking the time to notice what God was providing us and how he was equipping us.  At one point, we just thanked God that Skye's fevers of almost 3 weeks were only spiking to a 102 F now and not to 104 F anymore.  Once I started focusing on the good, the days were not as daunting to me in many regards anymore.

And it doesn't have to be a big situation either.  You can make a day that could have sent you into the pit of discouragement and sin into one of a good day where God was made known to you.  For instance this week, I found myself becoming very angry with someone.  And although I may have had a reason or two to be upset, the real person with the problem was me.  Becoming angry made me only think of the negatives instead of the positives and I began to have a grumbling spirit, which was catapulting my day into a dark place.  As I was dwelling in the negatives, I ran over something with my vacuum cleaner and caused it to be temporarily "out of order."  I went straight to more angry thoughts when I was reminded of my devotion that I had not yet read that morning.  I used to just keep going with my task at hand while telling myself "You can read the Word later."  Now I am yearn to have that refreshment of God's sweet words and blessings, so I ran upstairs to do my devotion.  I did my devotion and started to point out every positive that I could find, and I saw my day start to turn right around. 

You see, my situation and circumstances didn't change (although I did fix my vacuum), but my attitude did.  The Holy Spirit prompted me to refocus and I obeyed making the day a better one.  So I think my morning news anchor is on to something and now I look forward to him saying it because it is a great reminder for me.  So with that said "Make it a good day!"

In the Restroom on the Mighty Blue Ridge!

Just about a week ago and pretty much right after church, Scot and I gathered the kids and piled into the minivan for an impromptu trip to the Blue Ridge Mountains.  We traveled up there and we had a great afternoon.  The kids enjoyed getting out and running around at this one particular stop.  They enjoyed the freedom to run and play in the newly fallen Autumn leaves.

As time had passed, Scot and I thought that it would be good to set off on another adventure in the mountains.  So we collected our stuff and headed for a short hike.  Being the mom that I am and after spotting a restroom, I asked the girls if they needed to use the facilities before we continued on our journey.  Paisley indicated that she needed to go so she and I headed into the restroom.  As we waited inside for a free stall and an available toilet, I was busy doing what most mom's do when they are a germ-a-phobe like myself--scanning and evaluating the surroundings and its cleanliness, or lack there of, for which me and my little ones must endure and suffer through because well you know that I have some pretty high standards for my OCD frame of mind!  Well, as we stood there waiting, Paisley started to sing a song that she had learned in Preschool Quest earlier in the day (Sunday school essentially at our church during the first service).  I looked down at her and smiled.

As we entered the bathroom stall and while I planned out our plan of attack against the germs, Paisley began singing louder.  She started off with a song about the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost which included such sweet little hand motions.  She followed that song with "I've Got a River of Life" and then proceeded to stop mid phrase to say "Mommy, Jesus died on the Cross for us." 

"Yes dear, you are very right," I replied with a smile.

"That was a nice thing for Him to do," she continued.

"It was.  He died for our sins."

 As I replied to her, I thought about all those who were in the restroom with us and most definitely were hearing us.  I started to wonder what they thought of our goings-on in the bathroom stall and our topic of conversation.  I wondered if any one was blessed; and believe it or not, I became slightly worried if anyone was offended.  As that thought quickly rushed into my brain I then rebutted it by thinking about my rights as an American--Freedom of Speech and Freedom of Religion.

However, I was struck by the fact that those first thoughts had even entered my brain and how Paisley simply could care less of who was around.  She set an example of spreading God's love and the Gospel to me that afternoon as she continued on singing songs from church with out a care in the world who was hearing.  And I jumped in and sang along with her.

We were met with smiles as we came out and I prayed that through Paisley's innocence and excitement over the Gospel that somebody in there was blessed that afternoon. The river of life flowed out of her!  So much we can learn and gain from our children as I was reminded of that that afternoon in the restroom on the mighty Blue Ridge!

Seize the Day

"I would live in the moment--the present.  I would seize the day," I replied with tears filling my eyes for a second time during that afternoon's session with the Biblical counselor. I want to seize the day I thought to myself as I realized that I finally had grasped a part of the puzzle of overcoming my anger. My response was in reference to a question that she had asked me: If you could set aside your habitual anger, what healthy traits would you choose?

Sure, I have had some legitimate reasons to be pissed off.  Having precious times with my husband and my children be tainted by the memories of others' passed wrongs and choices that have undoubtedly changed the scope of my life and future life when I was a child and now into my adulthood, makes me angry.  At times livid.  It shouldn't have to be that way.  Yes, I long for sincere recognition of the sacrifices I made and was forced to make when I was younger.  But the fact of the matter is that although as nice as some recognition and affirmation would be from loved ones as well as for them to take ownership of their choices and actions would be for me, in retrospect I can't go through life expecting that as nice as it would be that one day it will indeed happen; when in fact, in many regards, it probably won't.

And please do forgive me.  I do know that to several of you this sounds much like "my diary screaming aloud," but I assure that it is because I have something I want to share that I have learned.  As angry as I am about my passed and how it sometimes makes me feel as I am trying to embrace motherhood and the present as well as when I am consumed by what others say or believe of me that is simply untrue or unfounded (a form of idolatry on my part), letting it all go begins with me and only me...and well with God's help too mind you.

When I think about a loved one in my life who seems so hell bent on just being angry no matter what blessings could actually be staring right in that person's face, I have realized that that is where my life is headed if I do not change.  Years and years of this person being habitually angry has landed them with relationships breaking with in their own family presently.  And when I heard one of their children state when did they become so angry?--I knew I wanted more for me and my family.

My husband and kids deserve to have all of me present in the here and now.  I want to embrace those times with them instead of using the present to relive the past to try to change the future.  The here and now is all I've got.  Time flies and the kids grow quickly.  Why waste such precious moments in time that will not come again to dwell in the past and try to predict the future that only God knows about anyways.  The future is so unpredictable.

Just with in the last two years, I have realized how precious and short life here on earth really is and how every minute counts--really truly counts.  I want my husband and my kids and others to have every bit of me in the here and now.  Worrying is in vain and so is being angry, which for me sometimes coincides.  It's like that one Sunscreen song from 1998 Worrying is like trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.  The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind--the kind that blind sides you at 4 PM on some idle Tuesday. 

Embrace today.  Grab it and hold onto it like it was in the palm of your hand.  Don't look for tomorrow; live for today.  Make today count.  See today's blessings.  And if you are having problems doing so, spend whatever moment you can and throughout the day thanking God for whatever positives you can absolutely find, no matter how simple it may seem--thank Him.  It has helped me seize the day.

And if you are like me and you have circumstances in your life that have left you bitter, you need to choose to be more Christ like in your love and emotions towards others.  And yes it is a choice.  It doesn't have to be this way.  You do not have to be a door mat but you don't want to be an old moldy sponge for anger to soak through either.  While I am currently working to let the past and anger go, I believe that it is possible.  I just can't be passive about it anymore.  While negative thoughts still come, I have to actively choose to push those negative ones aside and think of different ones.  Learn what you can from it and then just let it go.  Flush the anger and the past like they were in your toilet--close the lid, press the handle and walk away, and may be turn the air vent on for a time or use the smelling spray, but in due time the stench will dissipate.

And if there are circumstances and people that have left you feeling bitter, frustrated, irritated and resentful (all aspects of anger) I leave you with part of the following song (the words of which are to the best of my knowledge from memory) that may shed a different light on it all.

Every long lost dream
Led me to where you are...

Others who broke my heart
They were just northern stars
Pointing me on my way
Into your loving arms.

This much I know is true
God bless the broken road
that led me straight to you.

Selah ~ Broken Road


SEIZE THE DAY!!! 

Road Rage Idiot

So last Thursday, I made my usual right hand turn out of the school property onto the road after picking Skye up from school.  It was warm but not too warm outside, and I was enjoying the nice weather with my windows down and my sun roof opened.  I looked into my rear view mirror and saw a familiar seen--a driver going at least 20 mph over the school zone speed limit.  Sometimes, these idiots and careless drivers finally get a clue and slow up a bit, but every once in a while I get an impatient driver who ignores the flashing yellow lights of the school zone.  Occasionally, I will have one such driver tail me real close.  Too close.  And I often briefly put my hazards on for such drivers to tell them to back off.  It usually works and they back off for the remainder of the school zone.  Two weeks prior, I did have one such driver tail me and then proceeded to speed up and go around me by using a left hand only turning lane.  However, in that idiot's case, she made her dumb move right in front of a police officer who promptly, lights and all, pulled the traffic offender over.  I felt victorious in my law abiding manner and well the kids just thought the lights and sirens on the police cruiser was exciting!

Anyways... back to this story at hand.  This guy was different.  He came roaring up on my bumper and remained there.  He was less than a foot from my bumper.  I couldn't see his tags, headlights and a good chunk of his hood.  So I did what I usually do.  I mumbled my usual name of idiot and turned on my hazards.  The both girls stopped as I must have mumbled the words louder than normal.  Skye turned around in her seat and remarked how close he was driving.  Though as soon as I used my hazards for a few seconds, the driver got the hint and backed off. 

Now usually this is where my story ends but this was not the case with this idiot driver; because as soon as I accelerated up the hill after the end of the school zone, he roared up to the side of the van and my blind spot and remained there.  My heart started racing.  I shouted idiot a few more times as he rushed up beside me and then stopped.  It was like he was trying to pin me in my lane.  I heard his engine roar with rage as he started to violently accelerate to my door.  I thought he was going to try to drive me off the road.  I proceeded to say "God help us" for which the driver then veered quickly away from me yelling at me while getting in the left hand turning lane.  I blared the daylights out of my horn to let him know I was aware of the crap he just tried to pull and I was going to let everyone around us know what I thought of the idiot driver.  We made our right hand turn with my heart still pounding.  I kept saying idiot over and over again and my hands were shaking a little too.  I kept wondering what kind of angry individual would behave that way in a school zone especially with children on board?  Who could be that angry to get that mad at a law abiding citizen and then start in with road rage with children in the vehicle?

Well, we pulled up to our house with me still making remarks about what had just occurred.  No foul words came out of my mouth during that span of time except may be damn it once under my breath but my name calling of idiot sure did--over and over again.  As we got out of the van with the children upset about what had just occurred Paisley proceeded to say, "But Mommy, you probably will never see that idiot again." She stopped me in my tracks as she made me think about the words that I had spoken as well as her words and meanings while making me laugh about it all in one swoop!  She was right.  I probably was not going to ever see him again so it was time to drop it.

As Skye and I started with homework later on, we did what we usually do before we start--we prayed over her school and her day.  So instead of cursing the idiot driver like I really wanted too--like wishing that he would fall down the stairs or something as a punishment for his crime and road rage--we prayed for his anger, ugliness, lack of love, his mistake and for his need of a Savior.  We prayed for him to be blessed...

Sometimes Mommies Just Know Best

Too make another long story short, the last several days and feeding Little Man has been emotionally demanding.  Even though feeding times doubled and tripled in size, Little Man would sometimes only get may be one small jar of baby food.  Leaving him hungry and even more frustrated.  He would just get so fed up that he would scream, pull on his bib and demand the mealtime over.  His 4 molars coming in (one as of yesterday did make its appearance) only exacerbated his frustrations further making it a perfect storm for Ian.

I have never seen my son cry almost all day long and throw tantrums like he was demonstrating.  I'd place him in time outs (and yes, Little Man sits for timeouts) and nearly cry because I knew the causes for his fits were not entirely uncalled for though I usually don't stand for them.  But this was different.  He was hungry, frustrated and hurting.  For the first time ever, I witnessed my son make two fists and shake them out of anger and pure frustration.  As I placed him in his third timeout, I went into the kitchen and cried as he was crying.  As soon as he was done crying I scooped him up in my arms as if to say sorry almost.  I probably confused the little guy.

Trying to null the situation, I had even tried giving him some ice cream for lunch one time.  I was just desperate to make mealtime fun again.  I even broke my cardinal rule and placed him in front of the television to feed him and contemplated doing it for the duration of these feeding expectations, even as I feared that a new habit would form that I would have to brake later on.

Finally, after Ian whaled all afternoon on Friday and after noticing how hungry he was, I decided that I had to initiate some changes and deviate some from the speech pathologist's plans.  Having a starving child was just not acceptable to me anymore.  So after visiting with my friend L and seeing how hungry my son was at her house and how much he was practically running after food, I decided that indeed sometimes mommies just know best and the changes I started earlier I was going to continue on through the weekend. 

I have contacted the speech pathologist, and although I have not received a reply or response from her as of yet, and I am not sure what her thoughts will be on my changes, I do know for a fact that mealtimes are 10 times more civil now and my son's hunger is being met once again.  So as far as I am concerned right now, his eating and lateral tongue movement have improved and he isn't starving anymore.  Please continue to pray for us, as I really would like my son to get into the new habit of eating this way even with the changes I implemented.  I really do hope and pray that I know best.

A Vibrating Teether and An Electric Toothbrush

Sure, I was expecting the speech pathologist to give us homework so to speak.  And yes, I was expecting being shown new ways of feeding Ian to reteach him how to eat, but I did not expect quite as much to buy, use, and the desire to cry out of pure frustration as I have wanted to with in the last 48 hours or so.  And when the speech pathologist gave me a list of things to purchase from Babies'R'Us including a vibrating teether and an electric toothbrush to help with his gag reflects, I remembered my first thoughts were to the affect of "I have never heard of a vibrating teether?" "Do they really make such things as vibrating teethers?" "Do people really use electric toothbrushes on their infants and toddlers?" Oh and yes, I was also taken aback by the mesh feeder as well.  I had never seen or heard of that one before.


With all those items starting to loom in my mind and the thoughts of the daunting task of trying to plan the best time for me to get them entered my brain, I quickly started scanning through my loaded calendar and schedule that I had stored in my head. As I was doing so, I was not expecting to hear what would come out of her mouth next, which totally overwhelmed me from the moment she spoke it and demonstrated what she was expecting us to do. And in retrospect, obtaining and using those objects were going to be simple compared to the rest of what she was expecting us to do. 


Again, I was expecting Ian's feeding style to change some, but not quite to this degree.  She informed me that due to the fact that when Ian was an infant suffering from acid reflux, and in desperation to eat quickly to avoid as much pain as he was possibly able, Ian learned how to swallow wrong.  Instead of using his tongue laterally and with several bites, Ian uses his tongue to gulp down as much as he can in one swoop and he only chews using the front of his mouth.  In other words, he needed to learn how to use his tongue laterally by placing food to the side of his mouth, for which his food currently does not touch often.  To do so, she informed me that we could only give Ian pureed food for a week to two weeks--mostly she believed for two weeks.  Okay, do-able I thought to myself as I glanced over at Paisley and Ian who had started to pull everything out of my purse, until she continued on by saying that Ian was not even allowed to have any finger food at all; not even for snack.  NOT EVEN FOR SNACK!  She continued on with instructions and more as I continued to wonder how this was all going to shape up.  I knew tears were in Ian's future; wasn't expecting it in mine though.


Long story short, Ian has had two days of this new routine that will only last about 2 weeks mind you and when we finally get that one down, the speech pathologist is going to change it up again.  And on top of all that, we are already in the middle of trying to get our new school routines down with the girls' extra curricular activities as well.  I have to use a dropper and a small infant sized spoon (half full mind you) to feed Ian his pureed meals to the sides of his mouth.  What used to be simple, is now difficult.  For example, usually Ian will have a nutrigrain bar and some dried cereal for breakfast with an occasional yogurt, making running around getting everyone dressed easier.  Now his feeding times have doubled and sometimes tripled in size and he sometimes only gets half of what he normally eats.  It is long and tedious.  Ian begins screaming because he doesn't understand why he can't get his normal finger foods and why he is getting such small amounts of food at a time.  I also have to spoon feed his snacks as he is seated.  Essentially, no more Cheerios in a bowl in the livingroom. 


By the time feeding time is over, Ian is crying and has tears running down his face and all I want to do is join him.  He cries for his normal foods when he sees them and points; even if it is when I am opening a cabinet door.  Telling a 1-year-old that to help with your GI problems you have to relearn how to eat is just not going to happen or go over well.  To say this is frustrating is an under statement.  Ian and I are extremely overwhelmed.  We have ended each meal today basically with near emotional breakdowns in each others arms.  All he wants me to do is hold him in my arms and all I want to do is hold him after a mealtime.  I have wanted to cry several times today when he looks at me like he is being punished or gypped.  I get a lump in my throat.  And this doesn't include the vibrating teethers that he needs to use periodically through out the day and his electric toothbrush that I have to use on him 4 to 6 times a day for 2 minutes each time.


Please pray for us and for Little Man.  I know that God is using even this.  And although Little Man can't seem to get a break in the sense it always seems to be something he has to deal with and suffer through, I know that God is teaching and molding me.  I am learning about patience and how to put my emotions aside and bless another who is low; and I also honestly believe that God is preparing me for the future and the choices we have made as a family and as a couple.  God is indeed good; but we could always use some prayers too! ;-)  Please pray that Ian gets this lateral tongue movement down and he can work himself to finger foods sooner.  And most importantly, that he catches on to this and that it helps him with his gagging and vomiting issues.  Thank you so much!

Some Tests Results and Some Good News

Even though Little Man is pictured crying in the photo above, he did very well during his renal scan yesterday.  In fact, he even fell asleep for a short time as well.  Unfortunately, Andy accidentally woke him up as he had to administer the Lasix flush through the IV about half way through the test.  He needed a little light and had to move Ian's arm to access the IV better.  But I give it to Andy because he tried his best to keep Little Man asleep.  He even placed Ian's lovey (his burp clothe) over Ian's eyes hoping to not to disturb him.  Although the attempt failed and Ian eventually woke up whaling and letting everyone in the hospital know that he was very displeased, Andy sure tried and was so attentive.  And well, Little Man for that matter still remained very still.  He never tried to get off or move or anything.  He just slept or cried and remained absolutely still.

I had been so nervous about how Ian would be during the 50 minute test (not including the prep time) as he has become quite an active little boy.  He climbs up onto everything.  For example, the other morning Scot found Ian doing the army/soldier crawl across the top of our little kitchen island.  He got up there all by himself.  Little Man keeps us on our toes to say the least, but he did remarkably well yesterday.

Anyways, it is hard to see him go through this--getting pricked and prodded some, and seeing tears of fear and pain run down his face; however, it is all a blessing at the same time too.  I don't see hospitals as a place of illness and sadness.  I see a bunch of people, for the most part, wanting to help others and bless others in a way.  We have gotten to know some of the staff.  And Andy for example has been a true blessing.  He comes right over to us now and chats with Ian and plays with him some even when we are still sitting and waiting in the waiting room.  He always takes care of us.  He helps us feel comfortable and get's us drinks and snacks, free of charge.  One time he got me a blanket when he noticed that I was freezing my little tooshie right off!  Also, he is so gentle with Ian.  Never has a problem with placing a passy in Ian's mouth, when he was younger, or ensuring Ian is warm and comfortable.  It is nice to see other techs and nurses play with him as well and give him toys and stuffed animals.  In many ways this all has been a blessing to see others love on my child.

Yesterday, the day started off with the cancellation of the CT Scan.  It was an error on office employees.  As I realized that morning what CT scans entailed and heard that he had to have his blood drawn to check his kidneys, in order to do a scan on his kidneys, I knew something was off.  I was glad they caught the mistake and called the urologist himself to discuss the issue.  I did feel a little naive about everything yesterday, however.  Generally, I ask a lot of questions and may be this time I dropped the ball a little.  Perhaps with his GI troubles and such I just got a little overwhelmed with remembering everything.  Anyways... regardless it didn't happen and God was looking out for Ian.

Ian did not need to be cathed yesterday!  Thank goodness!  And Nurse B. got his IV with the first try again.  A huge blessing too.  It took three nurses/techs and Scot and I to hold Ian down and get the IV going, which tells you how strong and big our little guy is for which I am blessed that for the most part, Ian is one healthy boy and we all joke that he has a future in football at this rate!

We saw our urologist later that day who liked what he saw.  He said that his kidneys are stable and that he believed that their function had improved slightly.  He said that although both of Ian's kidneys still experience some urine retention and it takes his kidneys a little longer to empty than normal it was still in the lower end of normal.  Urine evacuation takes longer for the left kidney than the right one, but that is because his left one is larger.  The urologist went even as far as to say that he believed that there may not be a partial obstruction anymore, but he wouldn't know for sure unless he went in and took a look, which is simply not an option right now.  He thinks as Ian has grown a kink, or something of the like, has worked its way out, which is another blessing that God has given us such a growing baby boy!  So there is a name for his condition hydro something or other.  I can't remember how to spell it and I don't feel like finding the spelling right now! HA HA!  But basically, he has an enlarged left kidney and urine retention.  We still need to keep an eye on his kidneys but not as often as his next renal scan will be a year from now!  YAY!

With that said, we do have a few more docs to see and a few more tests possibly to go in regards to his GI issues, but hopefully by mid October, we should be in the clear for a while Lord willing.  Please pray for that blessing.  Ian had a barium test for his upper GI last week.  The gastroenterologist had a pathologist in the room for part of the test.  In regards to what she observed, Ian takes large swallows and did not chew much, which baffles Scot and I a little due to the fact that he chews other foods quite well, like crackers, nutrigrain bars and bananas for example.  We take him to the pathologist this week who will help him learn how to chew and swallow properly.  The barium test revealed that there were no irregularities in his upper GI tract.  And due to the fact that no acid reflux was readily seen, and the fact that he also had not consumed any dairy products at all for a few days due to the power outage, we came to the conclusion to put his endoscopy (I so may have missed spelt that) on hold.  Ian will go to the allergist and then we will see the gastroenterlogist in October and go from there.  He is still concerned that Ian has allergic esophagitis and wants to get cultures of his stomach, but Scot and I want to see if we can possibly rule things out with out putting Ian through another round of test(s).

So that's it for Little Man's update for now.  The girls are great!  Skye had a great first week of first grade even though it was one soaker of a week!  Due to bucket loads of rain, Skye's soccer game was canceled today due to sopping wet, soaked fields, but hopefully, she will get to play next week if the weather holds.  Paisley is well and enjoyed her birthday festivities!  She also started her dance classes and she is so very excited to start preschool on Monday.  She has Skye's previous preschool teacher, which is an absolute blessing!   

I am almost positive I have grammar and spelling mistakes but I am under a bit of a time crunch esp. now that I am holding Ian on my hip and typing with one arm, so please forgive me!  Hopefully, everything makes sense!



Becca's Summer Survival Guide

1. Surviving a 5.8 Earthquake

• Hang on for the ride because there is not much else to do besides heading for a door frame or hustling your booty outside of the building!

2.  Surviving Beach Vacation

• May be try to avoid planning your beach vacation for any part of hurricane season all together.
• Make sure that your swimsuit is kid friendly even if it is a sexy little tankini!

3.  Surviving a Hurricane

• Go ahead and risk doing your vacation laundry in the beginning stages of a hurricane even when the lights are blinking on and off, because a few days later you will have a butt load of laundry to do!
• Go ahead and let your ice maker work over time so that you can produce as much ice as possible when there is inclement weather in the event you should lose power, so that you may be able to save more food than otherwise, esp. when bags of ice are difficult to obtain soon after a huge storm.
• Please always constantly remind yourself that you do not have power.  Do not accidentally forget and throw food scraps down the garbage disposal.  Repeat not a good idea.  It's no fun having to reach in and pull all scraps out so that the sink is able to drain properly!
• When taking your second or third cold bath/shower during a power outage, it may not be a good idea to think of a nice warm beach paradise if said storm cut your beach trip in half!  Not good timing to have that realization.
• Make sure that when you finally decide to get rid of your ugly star shaped candle holder wedding gifts, you replace them ASAP as discovering you do not have any candle holders in a power outage may be slightly frustrating.  However, improvising can help.  For example, a bottle of Raspberry Burst Smirnoff bottle (contents for which drunk promptly), a can of refried beans and a clorox bleach wipe container cut in half and filled with sand and rocks from your children's sand box will do the trick just fine!

                       (Please take note that camera produced this much light in an otherwise dark room.)

• You can cook about anything on a charcoal grill!

                                                (Who needs a restaurant or a propane grill!)

• Don't waste time washing dishes by candlelight.  You will only have to re-wash your dishes by hand the next morning when you realized that you missed many spots.
• Better yet, forget all about all the "tree-hugging" environmental crap during a power outage.  Go into "mama survival mode" and use paper products--much much easier!
• And in the event that you loose almost all the food and contents in your fridge before bags of ice are found, go ahead and make the best of the situation and clean your fridge from top to bottom.  Make it all kinds of squeaky clean!
• Don't be afraid to pull up your sleeves and scrub some laundry by hand!

4.  Lastly

• During the hurricane, as I watched the trees swaying in the wind, I was amazed at how the majority of the trees were able to withstand the pressure to topple right on over.  I was struck by the strength of their root systems.  They not only help provide water and nourishment to the tree, but they also help the tree stay up firmly.  I was quickly reminded of how important it is to get "rooted" in the Lord.

An Earthquake, A Hurricane and Some Hot Cocoa

Yep, the above picture kind of sums up my feelings of the last few weeks and of the summer in some regards, but of course in a humorous way!

I would be lying if I said that this summer has been a fabulous summer.  When in fact, this summer has given me my first ever case of the summertime blues!  Yep, the sun has shown brightly a lot this summer and I have felt blue and at times melancholy.

First as some of you probably have come to realize, my summer has been plagued with some bumps in my relationships with others.  Secondly, I have been jealous--real jealous--of those who were taking nice long vacations and whose husbands were able to take off more than three days straight from work.

You see, our last vacation was 2 years ago; and after Skye's hospitalization and Ian's kidneys and all his tests as well as a host of other things, we have not had the time to regroup as a family and I was hoping to do that this summer with a nice vacation.  However, Scot's work demands did not at all make this dream easy to obtain by any stretch of the imagination.  Scot was working constantly, leaving me practically a single mom of three so to speak.  We took a long weekend trip to D.C. where I was happy that Scot was able to take 2 days off from work; however, while the trip was nice and we were all together as a family, it was dreadfully hot and we were busy walking all over the place.  I wanted more.  I didn't want to tour around so much in the dreaded heat but to sit and relax and totally veg out. 

Paisley loves the beach.  I call her "our Little Beach Bunny."  She loves the sand and waves and could play out there all day long if I let her.  So with her constantly asking for the beach, I really wanted a repeat of our last trip to the OBX of 2 years ago.

Whelp, after I pushed and pushed and nearly cried on a few occasions, Scot took some time off from work--FINALLY.  However, he couldn't take a straight 5 days off.  He was only able to take four days off with one of those days being saved for our state inspection for the van and Ian's first visit with the gastrointerologist, which only left us Wednesday through Sunday for beach time fun making it difficult to book a house or a condo, because they wanted reservations from Sunday through Saturday or the like.  So instead of wasting time traveling, Scot booked hotel suite reservations at VA Beach to get the most of the time we had.  I was disappointed because I simply wanted more and a large hotel suite wasn't exactly what I had in mind for a family of five at the beach, but I was determined to make it work.

That Tuesday we got the van in the shop for the state inspection and to fix a weather stripping for which I had called 2 weeks prior, and to this very day, it is not fixed because they failed to have the part and we had to head out of town.  Anyways, as we were sitting in the G.I. doc's office after just meeting the doctor and discussing Ian's symptoms, the ground began to shake beneath us.  Now I have experienced 3 earthquakes since I have moved here, but this one by far was the strongest and the longest.  With the other two, as soon as I realized what was happening or had happened it stopped.  This one was different.  It kept shaking.  You felt the progression of it too.  The epicenter was just about 40 miles from us.  Anyways, we quickly hustled our booties out of the building when the doctor showed us the way to the emergency exit.  I was all kinds of nerves during and after the quake.  The girls were at home with a young babysitter who had just started her babysitting career and it was her first time babysitting the girls by herself.  I was nervous for her and the girls as I knew the girls were probably a nervous wreck. 

Immediately the circuits were busy and I could not get through to my house nor my baby sitter's mom.  So the doctor continued our visit as soon as we all deemed it was safe to go back in.  It was hard to stay focus on Ian's much needed appointment while wondering about your other children and the babysitter, but I really did try my best.  I was caught off guard by the doctor too.  I half expected the gastrointerologist to say it was all a simple problem and to suggest that we were over reacting or go to an allergist or something, but as my hands were still shaking from feeling the ground move hard beneath one's feet where you can't make it stop, I heard the doctor announce that he believed that Ian was experiencing a classic case of esophagitis and they needed to find the cause and more tests needed to be run to rule things out.  Then a barium test was promptly scheduled and the need to do an endoscopy and put Ian under general anesthesia was announced.  "Say what?" I thought.  I was not at all expecting that as an option.  And after Skye's bronchial scope went south and she experienced huge complications (Although I do realize her lungs were compromised at the time, the fact that she did not respond well to general for which they decided to use paralytics on her made me super nervous for Ian).   My hands started to shake again as I relived those moments from the past.  Doctor continued on and ordered blood work done (which has soon come back and were good) and also performed another test in the office and found that Ian was not experiencing any bleeding in his colin and such--which is a good thing.  Ian will most likely go to an allergist as well to further explore is milk allergy and other possibilities.  To prevent further damage to his stomach and digestive track, Ian has been put back on Prevacid until we know further details and results.  He is to continue eating exactly how we have been feeding him which includes stage 2 baby food.

During the rest of the doctor's visit, I finally got word from my sitter's mom and the girls were fine.  L was with them all.  Paisley was reported to be rather shaken up by everything, but all was well.  Our sitter, who again is young and has never before felt an earthquake, impressed me.  For her to figure out it was an earthquake and to make the decision to get out of the house truly impressed me and I was blessed to know that my girls were in good hands.

So when I got home, I had to calm down from the doctor's visit and the earthquake, and then packing for our beach trip while knowing that a Hurricane Irene was looming out in the ocean.  I found dishes toppled over in the dishwasher.  Frames were crooked on the wall and things had shifted a little through out the house.  Something even fell off my upstairs vanity.  Can't imagine what the girls were hearing as the everything in the house shook.  Paisley kept asking me as I was packing if we were moving because she wanted to move because of the earthquake.  I kept trying to explain to her that it wasn't the house but that it was the earth, the ground that had moved.  She didn't quite get the concept.

Even as we were heading to VA Beach the next day, the doctor's office called us with blood work results (for which with all of the excitement and such I now don't remember what they were testing for!) and later called with Ian's barium test schedule, which is tomorrow morning at 8:30 AM by the way.  We just couldn't escape from life so to speak.  Also, as another side note, Ian has his next round of renal scans and his first CT scan on Sept. 9th and then his endoscopy will be scheduled and performed some time during the following week, making those weeks which were already quite hectic and stressful even more so now.

So while we were at the beach, we started to cram our schedule a bit as we wanted to do what we had planned in less days because of the approaching storm making my relaxful vacation not so very relaxful.  Time on the beach were my favorite parts of the trip.  Seeing everyone playing in the sand and water brought a smile to my face amidst the chaos of our summer and our trip.  Scot and I kept debating and well arguing at various points during our trip as to when our hurricane escape plans.  I was being overly cautious and he was being the complete opposite in my mind.  First, I think he didn't want to face the fact that our long anticipated trip was going to come to a quick end.  Secondly, I think Scot missed his calling.  He probably would have made a good weather reporter.  While everyone else is leaving or hiding from the weather, Scot would have no problem running into the excitement.  Mind you since I have known Scot, he has driven me and/or the kids in two separate blizzards and one hurricane.  Nope driving straight through weather is not Scot's problem.  Keeping him grounded with having kids and this need for excitement can be difficult.  As the earthquake was occurring and as he was holding our son, the first words out of Scot's mouth was "This is cool."  Yep, that is my hubby.

So after I was getting a little tired of our debates over Irene and the lack of relaxation that was occurring, I did get grumpy heading off the beach one time.  My word to describe my parenting Ian is wrangling.  I am always wrangling Little Man who is totally ALL BOY.  Sometimes esp. after this summer, I felt like I had my full share of wrangling him and I guess I had hoped Scot would pick up his share on the trip.  Well that didn't exactly happen.  At times I felt Scot could sit down more than me or play with the kids more as I was off trying to stop Ian from chasing seagulls for example--for which he did quite often.  Scot told me to take Ian ahead so I did as he brought up the rear.  Ian as usual didn't want to go where I wanted him to go, so I was forced to pick up my son who was arching his back in protest and crying.  Well, he and I made it to the boardwalk and I started to clean him off at the water spout.  Well, to my horrified realization I realized that my swimsuit had shifted and well I was flashing my goods towards our hotel.  I was completely humiliated and embarrassed and did I mention horrified.  I quickly adjusted my swimsuit as I wanted desperately to burring myself under the sand and hide.

Scot soon came up with the girls and I told him what had happened and that I was done and wanted to go inside immediately.  We head inside where we decided that throwing everyone into the pool would be a great way to get the sand under control as we noticed many other parents had learned of this trick as well.  As we were heading through the pool doors Scot declares that he was going to take all of our beach gear up and that I should stay with the kiddos.  I was not happy with this idea, but Scot proceeded to the elevator anyways.  I now had to wrangle Ian while watching my girls and trying to make sure my swimsuit stayed in its proper place.  As I was heading to a chair with Ian who was demanding the pool water right then and there I checked my top and discovered that all was well with my goods when I realized that my bottoms had become untied on the left side and I was about to moon everyone at the pool, which made me extremely unhappy.

So that was a few highlights of our trip if you get my gist, it was absolutely not living up to our Cape Hatteras vacation standards.  By Friday late evening we headed out of VA Beach.  Irene was coming whether we liked it or not. 

The next day we woke up to Irene's wrath.  She was going to let us know that Category 1 didn't mean a darn thing.  So our power eventually went out and stayed out for three days.   At first it was kind of fun and then it just became down right annoying at times for me as well.  Due to the wind and possible power outages during the storm, I failed to do our vaca laundry because I was afraid that the power would go off leaving me with a pile of wet soapy clothes in the washer.  That was a mistake because as the days wore on, I ended up having to large piles of clothes needing washing.  We lost nearly all our food in the fridge.  We cooked our food using our charcoal grill and our breakfasts consisted of dried cereal, bread (not toasted), and nutrigrain bars.  We longed for cold drinks and more.  On the second day of our power outage I had to take another cold bath.  Scot came in as I was standing in the shower with nothing but my panties on and a hooded sweater trying to shave my goose bumps off!  I got annoyed with Scot that even in the middle of all this he would find the time to have another little "look-see" of me in the shower--MEN!  Sometimes a woman just needs to be alone!  Anyways, as told me he wasn't there to have a look, I became more irritated as I am pretty sure he was lying.  No reason he couldn't wait to chat or brush his teeth or whatever until my cold adventure was over.  Well, I soon realized it was just going to be easier and quicker to turn the shower on and as I was doing so, the events of this summer and our interrupted vacation all came flooding into my mind and I was about done with it all!  As I stripped down to my bare little self I declared it nice and loud to Scot, my kids who were downstairs and to my neighbors who could hear me shouting since the bathroom window was open, that this summer had indeed sucked and I was done!  I declared nice and loud, "I am (blankety) done and I am throwing in the towel!"  Which by the way wasn't a towel but my hooded sweater as I threw it onto the bathroom floor.  I turned on the shower and shouted about how cold it was and that I wanted some hot cocoa, but then I quickly realized that the two nearest Starbucks were with out power.  Scot heard it all as I continued on about how I couldn't even get hot cocoa.

Later on in the morning, after I was dried off and sitting on my bed for a few minutes, I heard Scot who had left for work come back in through the door.  He had found a Starbucks open and although he had to sit in line forever as everyone else in the area had also realized that there was indeed one Starbucks open, Scot had come home with some hot cocoa which yes gals made me want to cry.  How sweet of him.

I still had some grumbling moments off and on through out the next 24 to 28 hours.  Watching how my kids did not utter one complaint when I was forced to bathe them with cold water after days had gone by with them needing baths, made me realize my petty behavior.  I also decided it was time to make the best of things.  I washed all our swimsuits by hand.  And I decided that if the fridge is all cleaned out of its contents, then why not take the time to scrub it down from head to toe, and make it squeaky clean.  I probably would not have done so otherwise and so I did; and as I was hanging my rags outside to dry I started to hear clicking noises around me.  Like electric meters were springing into life.  I peeked inside the house and saw the little red light on the phone jack on and I jumped for major joy and shouted "The power is back on! Thank you power men!"

I think God had few lessons to teach me through it all and I think I got most of them.  I also was amazed about how few people are willing to stick it out through times like these.  As soon as power was out, so many of my neighbors headed out of the neighborhood to stay somewhere else.  A little discomfort and a little inconvenience was just too much for them to handle and it saddened me.  I think for many Americans it is far easier to rely on someone else besides yourself and God.  In some regards I think the Amish have the right idea in some cases.  They are not locked into such reliance on public utilities and such and I think I like some of their reasons as to why.  Things would have almost been norm for them during weather like this is some regards.  Don't take me wrong.  Accepting help is fine, and believe me I was just a few short hours from taking up on my friend T's offer to use her house for laundry and have her make us a warm meal.  I just believe a little stretch of your comfort zone is a good thing too.  Need to have a balance.

Social Network Etiquette

Let this be a warning and perhaps some good advice: Be careful with how you use social networks.

Please think long and hard before you post something.  Make sure you do not post something that is remotely in reference to a personal situation with another person especially with in just hours or days of a situation or confrontation.  Evaluate your intentions for your post or statement.  And if you are not willing to have your statement or motive be questioned, then may be that is a sign that you should not put it up publicly.  If you are not willing to own up to your words then please do not put it up.  Also, as you read others' statements be aware of the fact that you may not know the full realm of the remarks as even Biblical words and Bible verses can have hidden messages.   The Bible is to uplift and to encourage and it shouldn't be used with any other possible ulterior motives.  Just because you may use the Bible as a post or a status doesn't make it right to post it up.  Never hide behind scripture.

Just please think twice before doing and be willing to be questioned if the need should arise.  If your intentions and motives are beholding, then you should be just fine.  Words can hurt.  BUT PLEASE REMEMBER THAT IS DOESN'T MATTER WHAT OTHERS MAY THINK OR SAY OF YOU.  YOU KNOW YOURSELF AND MOST IMPORTANTLY GOD KNOWS YOU AND LOVES YOU.  AND IF YOU HAVE RECEIVED HIM AS YOUR SAVIOR, THEN HE CAN UPHOLD YOU AND SUSTAIN YOU.

Scot has convinced me that I should not completely close my FB account and end the good communications I have with others, due to a few individuals who have made some poor decisions.  My use and time on Facebook will change, however.  Until I can be strong enough through God to not worry about what others think of me or say of me, my time on FB will be limited.  I need to know that God fills my cup and my cup is full; and I don't need others to fill it for me, especially when they may not have much in their cup as well. 

I will post an occasional pic or two and provide an occasional update.  I will also continue to post my blog updates as I do not have to completely sign-in to FB to do so.  I need to heal as well as deal with my hurt and anger, so in regards to FB, I am signing off for now.

My Precious Little Reasons As To Why I Must Leave

True, at first it was great getting to see old faces, and to see how they have changed, and to catch-up with one another and stay in the "know-it" loop of knowledge, but that is waining now. 

Facebook can lead one to question things they should not even have to question.  Be aware of the circumstances and hurts that are behind one's comments and statuses and to witness the stabbing statements or the wondering of vacant comments which have left me nearly breathless--having to remind myself to breathe.  It should never make one ponder the things I have been forced to wonder.

I stayed on FB so that family could see their loved ones and they are not good enough reasons anymore to me.  I wanted them to see pics of their grandchildren, their nieces and nephew, for whom they hardly ever see; to announce our family occasions and momentous celebrations that come with growing and company.  But I have learned that those are not good enough reasons; in fact, they are the very precious, little reasons as to why I must leave. No more getting on and wondering about the possible hidden messages that have so often distracted me from my precious little reasons SO that is why I must leave.

Yes, I am "circling-the-wagons" for the sake of my family and for my children; and yes, doing what is also best for me.

Tests, Tests and More Tests

Well, I will first begin with an update on Little Man and his dietary issues.  After my last update, Ian proceeded to have more meal time gags and then he proceeded to gag and vomit his meals up about 3 times in one week time.  It seems that he can't handle things like pasta and any sauces together, pureed food w/ any kind of chunks just about and well the occasional off the wall gagging like he did with strawberries the other day.  He loves crackers and bananas and plain smooth yogurt or other foods of the like.  So, one of our doctors believes it is time to rule out any problems with Ian's gastric system such as narrowing of his esophagus for instance.  On August 23rd, Ian will be seeing a pediatric gastroenterologist to help determine whether Ian is experiencing digestive problems or not.  Then we will go from there and determine whether or not he needs to visit an eating clinic or not to see if they can help us if it turns out that Ian is having a texture problem instead.

On September 9th, Ian will also have another renal scan performed with Lasix flush.  On the same day he will also have a CT performed on his abdomen instead of an ultra sound like he had when he was a newborn.  For the most part, this is part of his regular check-up for his kidneys, just a different test his urologist has requested to ensure Lil' Man's kidneys are still functioning well.  Later on that same day, we will see his urologist.

That will be a crazy week for us as Paisley will have her birthday and Skye will be back to school that week as well as starting soccer and various other appointments scheduled for us as well as Paisley's last week before she starts preschool (appts. and such was not what I was imagining for her last full week with me before starting preschool).  But it is what it is and we will just have to make the best of it.  I will be praying for that week and praying for my children. God is good.  And He gave me such a beautiful glimpse of His goodness this past week.  I know for a fact that God is in control and He knows everything.  He is more involved in every aspect of our lives and those lives around us than I have ever imagined possible.  God can use everyone and everything for good.

Update on Little Man and the Girlies Too!

Little Man is taking yogurt and soy milk well.  So far, knock-on-wood, he has had no signs of being sensitive to them and he has enjoyed having them as well!  He is refusing to try some cheese at this time so I will have to update you on that later! LOL! He is a little bit of a picky eater; we are currently working on that! ;-)  He has not "up-chucked" anything at dinnertime since July 4th.  He has only gagged twice in about a week and a half.  We are still trying to figure out whether it is a texture problem or an irritated esophagus.  We just got a reminder letter from Ian's urologist that it is now time to schedule his next renal scan.  The scan will be in about 4 or 5 weeks.  Updates to come.

Paisley is enjoying her dance classes!  She is such a little performer!  And she also is now ready to plan her birthday party (family and friends: details to come).

Skye is also doing well and like her sister, she has been doing some worksheets and such prepping and reviewing for the upcoming school year.  Skye enjoyed her birthday.  Her birthday fun was spread over a few days with a day at Busch Gardens, a sleep over, and enjoying painting some pottery with a few of her friends.

Arrows and Sweet Confirmation

Twice in about a two year span of time, I have been referred to, or my words have been referred to, as "sharp arrows" and "flaming arrows" in one way or another by two of my loved ones.  Even though my name was not specifically mentioned, they were done on a more public scale than I believe should have been done for that matter and they also used scripture to back-up their views of me at the time.  As one can imagine, my responses to such references were not that of a positive nature, but infact, that of a negative one.

Now it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that they were using scripture from Psalms written by David.  And while I was very aware as to how many of those verses referrenced arrows, I became more and more pressed by God to read several of those passages recently.  However, with the knowledge of these verses the desire to read these verses was not high on my priority list.  Mainly, I didn't want to re-hash bitter feelings about the subject and put salt on any of my open wounds, but last week I decided to listen to God's little urgings anyways.

I began reading and like I had thought I would, I read the expected words enemy, wicked, lies, deceit and so on and so forth.  I became a bit discouraged and a little angry and well a little sad too as I read.  First of all, being referred to by these loved ones as their enemies was a hard pill to swallow as I have never thought of them as such.  While feelings of them at one time or another were that of some negative ones with hurt feelings.  And sure sometimes I had thoughts that they just plane got on my nerves too, I never thought of them as my enemy and it was hard to believe that they thought that of me.  Secondly, David used arrows to describe the words of the wicked and that they were words of lies and deceit.  This struck me as I didn't believe that my words were that of lies and deceit; and who were they to believe solely that my words were?  Should I say the same of them just because I may disagree with what they say?  Never once did I say anything that I believed were lies or of deceit and it hurts me that they have believe so of me.  And besides, David was referring to people who wanted to destroy him and I can most certainly assure you that I have had NO such ill intent towards these two individuals.  Thirdly, as I am very much aware of the fact that I am an individual who often speaks her mind when she deems fit to do so; and yes, occassionally, I may use a few fighting words, I have never hid behind scripture to verbally attack someone and/or share my opinions of them as was done to me in one of these instances.

So as I continued to read these scriptures, I became more and more discouraged.  As I had about all I could take.  I was about to close my Bible when I heard a little voice inside say "Keep going."  With that I decided to press on a bit more and I kept reading.  As I did so, I discovered another verse that brought such sweet confirmation of and to my life.

Even though it didn't entirely relate to the situation at hand; it did render more confirmation on something that I believe God has called Scot and I to do, and where our family is spiritually and physically at this time.  Who knew that I could find some positives in something negative.  Okay, well may be God did!

And the Cow Said Moo?!

So Ian had to be taken completely off of straight cows milk this past week.  After he went almost 2 weeks with out cows milk and his eczema disappeared, we reintroduced him to just a few ounces of cows milk over a two-day period as I was trying to wean him off of his last nightly feeding from me.  Well, with in about 12 to 24 hours his eczema returned in full force.  We were bummed to say the least but knew that we may have part of the answer to the puzzle solved. 

However, as I explained to one of our pediatricians this past week that we believed that Ian was allergic to cows milk and why, I also explained to her that I was concerned about the fact that after 2 weeks of no vomit at dinnertime, which included him not vomiting with in the 12 to 48 hours after receiving milk, that he once again "up-chucked" his dinner at our family pool party on Fourth of July, for which more family members had the privilege of being present for such a sight again.  (Please take note that I am fully aware of the fact that Justin had the wonderful privilege of being blessed by Ian's dinnertime surprise not only on 1 but 2 separate family occasions; but at least this time he only witnessed the aftermath! LOL!).   

So this is where it all got tricky.  The doc agreed after hearing about the 4th of July that Ian should be taken off of straight cows milk.  However, there is still concern that he is experiencing another problem besides sensitivity to cows milk.  He is either having some problems with acid reflux or has a texture problem with his foods as he is vomiting specific foods up.  So she said in 2 weeks she thinks she could have a very good idea whether it is acid reflux or not.  She wanted to write him another 2-week prescription of Zantac, for which I told her my insurance wasn't allowing.

You see, on Tuesday morning, Little Man ran out of his Zantac, for which he had one more refill.  Like in times past, I picked up the phone and called the pharmacy, pushed a few buttons and hung up the phone like normal.  About an hour later, I got word from the drugstore that I had to call my insurance company.  I informed the doctor that after the aggravating phone call, I discovered that our prescription plan had very much changed this year.  They told me that Zantac was a "maintenance" drug and to keep costs low, I could only get it by mail order now for a 90-day supply.  I told them that was outrageous as my child was out now and we were busy trying to figure out his dietary issues and that we may not even need the meds much longer as we were trying to sort things out.  They proceeded to tell me that it would take 14 days for him to get the mail order supply and for which I told them was absolutely absurd!  I was put on hold for which the rep returned with only an answer and option for the delay in Ian receiving his meds.  She told me to call the doctor and ask them to write up a 90 day script for Zantac.  I told her that that was ridiculous and I was unwilling to pay that copay and receive that amount when there was a possibility that he would not remain on it much longer.  She said that there was absolutely nothing else she could do.  I told her that they were just "backing me into a corner" and it was wrong of them.

After our pediatrician heard about my phone call, she proceeded to tell me that about four other families had been complaining about the same problem as well and that they were displeased.  With that said, we devised a plan for Ian for the next two weeks and she said that one of her staff would call our insurance and explain to them why they did not see the need as of yet for Ian to be placed on 90-days worth of Zantac.

Well, to make a long story short, after nurse J spent an hour on the phone with our insurance and after one of our doctors spent sometime on the phone with them as well, the insurance company said that 90 days worth of Zantac would be the only way they would pay for Ian's script.  I found this absolutely appalling!  Outlandish!  Not even a doctor who was explaining that as we sort out Ian's dietary needs that a 90 day supply as of yet, was not necessary, the insurance company ultimately called the shots.  Why have doctors if the insurance companies run the show!  I am not paying 90 days worth of meds when my son may not need to be on it.  What happens if they pull him off of Zantac and place him on something else?  What? I will have paid for meds he didn't use and take perfectly good meds off the shelves that could have been used for someone else!  Should I ascertain the thought of selling the extras on the black market? This whole thing is so very absurd to me!

It is plain to me that the real root of the cause of rising health care benefits has not been sought out by any stretch of the imagination.  The current administration has once again shown me their ignorance on the subject matter.

So the plan for Ian and the next two weeks is simply this, in order to beat the "system" for the short term, the doctor wrote a script for Prevacid instead. She wanted him to go through the weekend with out trying any new foods and with out any dairy products so that his eczema had time to clear up so that we could start with a "fresh palette" by tomorrow--Monday.  She wants me to give him some yogurt on Monday and later in the week some cheese.  While these two items are dairy products, the volume of cows milk and the amounts are different then receiving straight cows milk; and therefore, he may react differently to them.  We are to look for sensitivities to these 2 foods via eczema and such.  If he does well with those we will continue on and introduce a little bit of soy milk or rice milk.  And then wait and see.  If he doesn't improve his very picky eating and/or vomiting, we will be looking into an eating clinic for him where they will help us determine what his dietary needs and/or problems are and whether he should remain on Prevacid or the like.