My Mommy Heart (update on Ian)

This morning at 8:40 AM, we saw Ian's gastroenterologist.  At first, I found my mommy heart breaking when even just undressing Ian to get weighed and measured and so on and so forth sent my precious son for a total breakdown.  His short little life has been filled with so many doctor visits and tests that have included pricks and more.  Ian grabbed onto my arm this morning whaling and shaking from nerves.  You could see the fear in his eyes when he realized the appointment was indeed for him and he was fearing what could come.

It was somewhat irritating to see the doc and the nurse thinking Ian was just reacting to seeing them and they kept reassuring him that it was okay.  For some reason it made me a little angry.  I guess I got a little angry because I knew Ian was reacting that way because even the second week of his birth, he was pricked, prodded, and tested; and that has pretty much been what he has experienced quite a bit throughout his short little young life here, which I have learned is all associated with Eve's disobedience and the fall (curse) for those of you who are in Wellspring with me and have been studying Genesis especially with in the last two weeks.  And WOW the timing on that study and Ian's doctor appointment!  Sorry that just totally dawned on me just now!  Enjoying my church's womens Bible study!

Anyways... so as a lump developed in my throat and tears filled my eyes watching my son react the way he did and feeling his hands grasp tightly around my arms and his legs grip my hip and waist when I had to pry him from me to sit him down to get weighed.  I was so relieved when the doc announced that while Ian was to continue seeing the speech therapist for his swallowing and he was to remain on the generic form of Prevacid for now, that at this time due to Ian's great weight gain and continued progress, no endoscopy was needed and that he did not feel the need to see Ian for another 6 months!

HUGE blessing! I am thanking God and giving Him the glory! I am thanking God that my son is a big boy!  Even though we decided to have an induction to have him not only because of his kidney problems but also because he was becoming a large baby boy, I am glad that he was and is a big boy!  It was because of his larger size, he was taken off of Amoxicillin earlier than some babies who have the same kidney conditions because he had space in his abdominal cavity.  He was given the clean bill of health for today too due to his healthy size, which was a blessing!

Perfect timing.  Just when I started to become a little discouraged, we get the news that Ian has a 6-month break from specialists such as the gastroenterologist and even his urologist!  Ian baby boy could use a break; and well, even his parents too.  I know atleast one thing, amongst so many other things mind you, that my mommy heart is thankful for this Thanksgiving!

When I'm Good and Ready

So I am not ready to discuss the details of our leap of faith and our current free fall; however, when I'm good and ready, be assured that I will.  It may be in parts.  I may not specifically state that I am discussing the 'leap,' but over time I will write about it and perhaps you will be able to piece the parts together in some regards.  I'm not ready yet though and I am not sure when I will be; but I will be at some point, because I can see God working already and our faith growing and I would like to share it with you.  I also have a "soapbox" to pull out and step upon in regards to one issue somewhat associated with this leap of faith, but until I am good and ready to share my opinions about it and to make them known, and until I also know that I am strong enough in my faith to face my critics and their opinions of me, because I know that I do have them, I will discuss it only with whom I see fit to share it with at this time.  Thank you!

God is Good!

Free Falling

Several months ago, perhaps close to a year ago, I put up a post explaining that Scot and I had made a decision to jump into the great unknown.  We were going to let God take the wheel so to speak; free fall into living in, with, by and through faith.  We wanted to experience faith-living. I wrote that we knew what we believed we had been called to do, but we would not know what the journey would be like or what the outcome would be.

There are so many variables that could come, and have already come, in a way, from this leap of faith.  There were already so many what-ifs and unknowns before we even took the leap; however, as Scot and I are such huge planners and we, especially me, have always taken the time to plan for the what-ifs, this leap of faith will, undoubtedly, grow our faith and trust in God all the more.

I say that as Scot and I made the decision a long time ago to leap, but that it wasn't going to be until three weeks from today before we would make our decision official by actually leaping.  As Scot and I had the official "jump" planned, God would have another one planned for us instead; and in many ways we are already currently free falling into the great unknown.  Our jump has in some ways begun sooner and more painful than we had planned for or thought that it would be.  While the jump is actually taking place now and not at all the way I had expected it to be, we are being nudged to do so now and have an obstacle in the way to deal with first as we jump. 

It was totally unexpected, I am one of a few to experience what we are experiencing, and its painful to say the least.  This has begun with the actual leap being difficult and painful.  More is ahead of me as well as Scot in the next few days, and as I am not at the point of sharing the details as of yet, changes are happening and will be happening while the unexpected is already occurring. 

But I will simply say the following for now: Although I was in tears today and although I am unsure what the next few days will bring for that matter, God is good and is in control.  And although I am nervous and fear has crept right on in, I am going to lay them at the foot of the Cross, even if I have to keep reminding myself to do so. We are, I am, free falling into the unknown now and although this free fall has begun with what many of you would consider as a negative, the circumstances we find ourselves in reaffirms our "jump of faith" all the more.

As I do not know how long we will fall, or where we will land, I do know one thing is for sure: God will be with us every step of the way and He will be there to catch us when its time for us to land!

Update on Little Man

Just thought that I would write up a quick update to get everyone up to speed with Little Man's G.I. issues.  After we discovered that it appears that at this time Little Man needs to continue with his acid reflux medication, we made an appointment with his gastroenterologist (may have missed spelt that but too lazy to look it up right now) for Nov. 22nd as we had minor set backs with Ian's progress.  We will discuss his health and concerns and revisit the possibility of doing an endoscopy again to rule out things.  I will write up a post as soon as I have more information.

Little Man is still seeing the speech pathologist and is making slow progress in learning how to swallow properly.  She informed me that it could take 6 to 8 additional months to correct his swallowing issues.  I will keep you all updated on his progress.

Please Note: That the preceding post has nothing to do with this one for any family members and friends who may become concerned about Little Man.  We are good and blessed!

"Make It A Good Day"

"Make it a good day," is a phrase that is often used by a local morning news anchor.  When I first heard him say it, I thought that surely that was a fluke.  But then I heard him saying it on several different mornings as his news broadcast would come to a close.  Then I thought about how not everyone watching the news program that morning are having a good day.  Some veiwers, like me about two years ago, are having anything but a good day.  And actually perhaps like we had, they were having a string of several bad days. 

Sometimes life has trials and situations that appear anything but good--illness, death, a broken heart, etc.  Sometimes you just can't control your day, so how could he say "Make it a good day?"  Because you can control your thoughts.  And even though I have no idea what his faith is, his words have spoken to me as he does know a key part in living.  You can control the day by controlling your thoughts and mind.

And I know I have probably repeated this topic on several occasions, but I am feeling led that someone out their still needs to hear it and be reminded of it.  In order to live a more joy filled life (and I am not talking about the giddy kind of joy, but the joy that consists of love and hope and forgiveness that only God can bring), you have to begin with being thankful.

Even in the darkest situations, find whatever positives you can find and thank God for them no matter how simple they may be "Thank you Lord, for the autumn leaves.  They are pretty." For Example.  Even thank God as you clean the toilet.  Thank Him for your family or even for the house He has helped provide for you.

You see it wasn't until I started finding the positives during Skye's illness that I realized God was in the midst by taking the time to notice what God was providing us and how he was equipping us.  At one point, we just thanked God that Skye's fevers of almost 3 weeks were only spiking to a 102 F now and not to 104 F anymore.  Once I started focusing on the good, the days were not as daunting to me in many regards anymore.

And it doesn't have to be a big situation either.  You can make a day that could have sent you into the pit of discouragement and sin into one of a good day where God was made known to you.  For instance this week, I found myself becoming very angry with someone.  And although I may have had a reason or two to be upset, the real person with the problem was me.  Becoming angry made me only think of the negatives instead of the positives and I began to have a grumbling spirit, which was catapulting my day into a dark place.  As I was dwelling in the negatives, I ran over something with my vacuum cleaner and caused it to be temporarily "out of order."  I went straight to more angry thoughts when I was reminded of my devotion that I had not yet read that morning.  I used to just keep going with my task at hand while telling myself "You can read the Word later."  Now I am yearn to have that refreshment of God's sweet words and blessings, so I ran upstairs to do my devotion.  I did my devotion and started to point out every positive that I could find, and I saw my day start to turn right around. 

You see, my situation and circumstances didn't change (although I did fix my vacuum), but my attitude did.  The Holy Spirit prompted me to refocus and I obeyed making the day a better one.  So I think my morning news anchor is on to something and now I look forward to him saying it because it is a great reminder for me.  So with that said "Make it a good day!"