But We Will So Take That!

Yesterday, we met with Ian's urologist. He took a look at Ian's renal scan results and said that while his left kidney had improved ever so slightly, he would term Ian's left kidney as stable. No real change but we will so take that!! It was good news to hear, especially after I thought that his scan looked slightly worse, so I am giving God the praise!

Due to the fact that Ian is circumcised and is a whopping (drum roll please!) 18 pounds at 16-weeks-old, he will be taken off of Amoxicillin in about 2 weeks! This is good news to us as we were not entirely happy with the fact that he had been on antibiotics for so long to prevent UTIs. I have been made aware of what to look for, in the event that a UTI develops. So while not being on antibiotics is good, I will still need to be aware of any changes in Ian's urine and/or fevers, as UTIs could still be an issue for him. I will give this to God as well!

In six months, Ian will have an ultra sound performed and a follow-up renal scan. The doctor said that at this point, with what the prior tests have shown, he believes that Ian's left kidney definitely has a partial obstruction that will most likely not correct on its own. If his left kidney continues to be stable, we will stay-the-course with follow-up visits throughout his life. If his left kidney worsens slightly (and there is a bunch of technical terms and numbers that I will not worry you all with right now), then we will look at surgery for him at about 2 years of age.

While knowing that this is still something of concern and will require follow-up care in the future and possibly distant future, we are blessed and thankful.

God Has a Plan I Know

God was most definately looking out for us today. Even as the morning dragged on as I waited to leave for the hospital and I was feeling a little anxious, the phone rang and it was someone from my church. Not even someone I usually talk to on a regular basis; however, as she was calling in regards to something about Paisley, we got talking about Ian and his procedure. She asked to pray with me over Ian and my family. It was such a calming moment and such a blessing. I thanked God for her phone call and felt that He definately had perfect timing.

Before I knew it, it was soon time for us to run out the door to the hospital. Ian and I arrived at the hospital and Outpatient Services at 2 PM and to my surprise, it all went very smoothly especially considering my terrible phone call with a hospital rep. the day before. They didn't event ask to see my insurance card stating that we have been there enough lately and had recently obtained the card the last time we were there with Ian. I thanked God as I waited in the waiting room.

Scot dropped off the girls by our friend's house and he soon met up with Ian and myself just in time for the IVs and catheterization. Ian was such a trooper. Ian fell asleep and as the nurses tried to find a vein to use for his IV, they asked if I was okay to hold him during it. I think that ended up being such a good idea because he woke up and I was so focused on embracing him and keeping him still and trying not to drop him while he cried and as he was grabbing onto me tightly in pain that I never cried. I was strong for him. Right after his IV was placed, the nurses started playing with him and using the small stuffed animals that they had pulled out especially for him (that they gave him for keeps), his smiles quickly returned and he was flirting with the staff. I really liked the nurses. They were so attentive to our needs.

Through out the afternoon, so many different hospital staff members commented on how Ian was such a good baby.

We got the same radiologist as last time and he was great. Like last time, he found a quiet place for us so that I could nurse Ian, and he provided us with snacks and soda (free of charge btw). He even wiped some spit from Ian's cheek at one point, and he got a blanket for me when he noticed I was freezing my little Allan booty off!

As soon as the radio-active dye was inserted into the IV, I could tell right away that his left kidney was still obstructed. It looked to me worse than before, however, we will not know for sure until we see the urologist next Friday. I started to tear up and a huge lump developed in my throat. I am not sure what I was expecting and why I was tearing up more today than last time, but I was. Perhaps it was because I have grown even more attached to Ian as I have gotten to know my son more in the past months. He is such a good and happy baby, and I am blessed to have him.

Right when fear and worry began to spread over my spiritual and emotional garden like a nasty weed, I noticed that my mom and another friend text me. Ian soon fell asleep and I was able to sit down and communicate with them as Ian's test was 50 minutes long. I told my mom how I was fighting back tears and had a huge lump was in my throat. I then wrote to my mom about how "God has a plan I know. He is looking out for Ian too." But it wasn't like I was trying to convince myself of this fact this time. I knew in my heart that it was true.

Then it struck me while texting my mom that even now God was still working. I remembered how I have struggled with patience through out my life and since I was a little girl; and how all of the hospital visits, hospitalizations, doctor visits, tests and waiting for results, I have been forced to be patient and how God had definately been working on that with me with in this past year!

My mom and I were also able to realize how God has been working in other ways recently, which was such a powerful moment during Ian's test. I do not believe in coincidences. Everything has a purpose. For instance, even accidentally reading the incorrect devotion in my daily devotional has ended up being exactly what I needed to get through that particular day. Nothing is just by chance.

As we were leaving the hospital around 5:30 PM, I discovered that Homegroup had been canceled and I found myself to be very disappointed; however, after Paisley had a total meltdown at Christy's, I realized that my whole family, including myself, were exhausted and we needed a night off to rest some. So with that said, I am going to get off of here and rest a bit.

Pardon any grammar mistakes and such, too tired to proof read much tonight.

Please pray that God would reveal to Scot, the urologist and I on how to best move forward with Ian and his care. Thank you.

Ian's Renal Scan Tomorrow

Little Man, or Bubba Boo, as I am now finding myself calling cute Ian, is having his 2nd renal scan performed tomorrow starting at about 2:30 PM, although we have to be at Outpatient Services tomorrow at 2 PM.

After experiencing one heck of an aggravating phone call with the hospital today, I am finding myself a bit anxious now, but I am just going to have to keep giving it to the Lord.

Although this will be Ian's second MAG 3 Renal Scan with Lasix Washout with catheter, and even though I ached watching my son get cathed and pricked for IVs last time, because I have gotten to know my son even more with in the past few months, I am currently finding myself dreading putting him through the procedures and watching him go through it worse than the previous time, but I believe that this what we must do at this present time and it is still in the best interest for our son.

We will be at the hospital for a few hours tomorrow afternoon, but God has provided us with a sitter for the girls, which is a huge blessing!

We will be meeting with his urologist next Friday to discuss the results, however, I may be able to know how things are looking for his left kidney as soon as the test is performed tomorrow as I will be sitting in with Ian and I know what to look for and I have access to the screen. So, I will update you all soon. My update may not be until Saturday, however, as we have Homegroup tomorrow evening and I may not be able to get a chance to type an update, but I will make an update as soon as possible.

Thank you!

Some Doors Open Harder Than Other Doors

Some doors open harder than other doors. Why this happens is not always provided and because of that it can just plain be frustrating sometimes, especially when you are asking God to provide you with the correct key to open one, but for the time being He is just providing you with the correct hallway and/or the correct key chain.

I have been seeking God for direction in an area in my life and if He has provided me one, it is still too vague of an answer for me to proceed on. I am unclear as to what to do and growing a bit stressed over it the last few days. I keep giving it to God for clarity, hoping the door for which I am to take would just fly wide open; however, that has simply not been the case. I am now pondering as to why some doors open harder than do other doors.

Recalling years passed, I have had several doors plainly open or close, receiving clear direction from God. Other times a bit more prayer, but the eventual key will be provided or the door will slowly creak open. There was another time that sticks out clearly in my head of how a door closed shut on me before I even knew it was open. And my heart still aches some when I think about it.

This time things are slightly different and although I believe I have been here before, a specific time does not stick out in my mind and I am still left feeling discouraged. Currently, I find myself feeling like I have several keys in my hand trying to find the correct one that will unlock a door; OR rather, that I am in a long hallway with many closed doors trying to find the one door that my one key will unlock.

While this is becoming an emotional and spiritual battle for me, I need to keep placing it all in God's hands and trusting that although I feel like I am seeking God's answer and He is not currently providing me with answer, there is a reason. However, like the one door that closed, or I felt slammed in my face, 6 years ago before I knew it was opened, there was a reason and God had a plan. If that door didn't slam closed shut, I am not sure if I would have opened the other door for which God wanted me to open. A door for which has ultimately changed my life and how I view it forever.

Although I am a bit discouraged right now, I have to trust in God that like years past, He has a plan and a reason for having some doors open differently and harder than other doors. I may never know why those doors open differently, but I have to believe it is in my best interest.

It Takes Things Off Of 'Me'

Whelp, I am now a mother of a school-age child. Yep, just dropped Skye off at school just over an hour ago. She was so excited about school that she threw on her back-pack and ran to her teacher with out so much as a wave good-bye to her parents. I found myself continually turning around in my seat to take another quick glance at her until we rounded the corner and drove passed the trees out of line of sight. I developed a huge lump in my throat and tried not to cry.

Then I had to thank God that He was with her and trust that He had heard my early morning prayers. At around 5:10 AM this morning, after attending to Ian quickly, I was unable to go back to sleep. I was restless. I kept tossing and turning. In a few short hours my little girl would be at school and in the hands of others. I started to worry. "Have they put in the buzzer system at the main door of the school yet?" "Will Skye be able to find her pencils?" "Did I pack enough for her lunch?" "Will she be able to open the packaging for her snack?"

The what-ifs came spilling in. So I went to God in prayer. I prayed over all of my worries and I prayed for protection around Skye. My worries, although they were still there somewhat, they weren't as daunting to me anymore and then the morning was off.

However, I got to thinking about how I go to God in prayer and thankfulness a lot more now then I used to and I am happy that I do so now. Makes life easier in a way and it reminds me of God and His blessings. I have learned to pray throughout an entire day--off and on; here and there. Some prayers are long while others are short and perhaps one word thoughts expressing thankfulness.

For example, here is how one day of prayer began two weeks ago for me. I began my morning with a run. And although I had upbeat music going in my ear, I found myself praying for the day as I ran. A thought of fear popped into my head. It wasn't of the Lord and the one passing thought started to set in like a weed in my garden of thoughts. I was growing fearful of something that was many, many, many months away and something that was out of my control as it was, so I prayed and kept giving the thought to the Lord every time the negative thought came in. I prayed over my worries.

Later that day when I would be in the middle of a task that wasn't so much fun as changing Ian's diaper or wiping Paisley's little bum bum, I would pray over that child that I was currently with, thanking God for them and asking God to protect them. While I was cleaning the toilets, a chore that is not on my list of favorite things to do, I thanked God that I had a toilet to clean, a house to live in and a family to clean up after.

I was attending a wedding at the end of the week and I had to wrap a gift for the couple. Now usually I would look at this task as "a must do" and try to do it as quickly as I can so I can continue on to my next task, but this time I prayed. As I wrapped the gift I prayed for my friends and their marriage as well as their future together. What an awesome way to wrap a present for someone.

Later that day, I received an email from someone with news that made me a bit angry especially considering the rocky road we have shared. And while these people are not high up on my "people I like" list, I started to pray that God would help me forgive them and such. While our relationship hasn't healed and I am continually finding myself to be very bitter towards them, I just continually ask for God's help when a negative feeling pops into my head. I pray that God would show me how to extend grace and forgiveness.

Cooking dinner is not always a fun adventure for me in the life of motherhood. Often times Ian needs attention, the girls have questions, Scot is calling and I can barely follow the recipe correctly, but I am now trying to pray as best as I can during this time. Thank God that Ian is healthy enough to cry like he can sometimes and that he has such a good appetite. Thank God that my girls are here with me and have lot's to say. Thank God that although Scot is coming home late from work once again, that he has a job that has provided us with the food that I am preparing.

This kind of praying and thanking God throughout my day has brought more joy to my hectic and sometimes crazy life. It takes things off of 'me' and places my attention on other things. So often I make life about me--even above my kids and husband and God. I often do things with an ungrateful heart--complaining and more. Praying places my thoughts off of me and onto other things and other people.

As I was making Skye's lunch last night and realizing that my evenings will be different from here on out and there will be less time for "mommy time," it was time to go to God in prayer and thankfulness. Thank God I have happy, healthy and growing children! Pray for them as I prepare their food and more!