Yesterday evening, we got nailed by a storm with winds that I haven't seen in a long time. For the first time in this house and since being a mom, I sent my kids, including Ian who was alseep in his carrier, to the downstairs bathroom for safety as I evaluated the stormy conditions. The power kept going off and on again several times. I was hearing all kinds of things hit the house.
That afternoon had been another hot and humid one. It was what I like to call "wicked hot" outside. The kind of heat that you feel like you were just going to sweat yourself into one big puddle on the sidewalk. Well, we have been experiencing this kind of heat quite a bit this summer. I believe the weather man this morning said yesterday was our 10th day this summer of 100+ degrees--a record.
Well, this morning I got up for a run around the lake, and it was cool outside. Real cool. The air was fresh and clear. The sky was blue. It was refreshing. Later on, I got the kids out the door and we went outside to enjoy the weather and I got to thinking about yesterday's weather vs. today's weather, and well it dawned on me, life and trials are similar to summer weather.
Trials that we experience in our lives are like hot, humid, miserable day(s). Things just keep getting hotter and dryer--more uncomfortable and more unbearable. We wonder how much more can we take? We long for a break and relief. Time passes. We are yearning for coolness. We are thirsty. Then we look up and see clouds building. Perhaps really dark clouds as they were yesterday. We may think relief is coming, like a pending storm, but then we become concerned of the means for which we may receive it. Thunder rolls, lightening strikes, winds blow--they all represent either the emotions, or hurtles associated with our painful time. Then the clouds open up and it begins to poor. Rain could represent our tears--heavy tears or happy tears. We may choose to run from the storm, but the powerful part is that we can seek shelter from the storm through our Father like my children often run to the safety of me, their mother, during a storm. Then the storm passes and we experience the freshness and cleansing a storm can bring. The nourishment it can supply in times of a drought--representing how God has brought us through it and we have the opportunity to grow and learn from the trial and experience.
Now don't take me wrong, sometimes we experience several storms, like most summers--hot and stormy weather may return in just a few short days, BUT the calm always returns and the sun always comes back out again. Perhaps a rainbow can be spotted here and there as well.
This is merely a place of self-reflection for me. After recent events in my life, I have learned that although some doors of life open that we may prefer stay closed nice and tight while others close that we prefer stay wide open, God is there every step of the way and He can use anything for His glory and blessing!
Friday, July 30, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Grasping for Straws
Well, I have a double pink eye infection. While I was up with my infant son at the "butt-crack-of-dawn,"--what I now 'term' that oh so very early part of the morning--I finally convinced myself that the symptoms that were presenting were definately that of the wonderful infection. My concern quickly went to my infant son who I often hold so close to me and I am in constant close contact with; and as this concern began to sit in my ever worrying brain, I realized that because of his kidney troubles and the antibiotics he is on due to the problem, he just may be spared from the dreaded pink!
I then went as far as to thank God for the antibiotics he is currently taking; and therefore, I suppose in a way, I thanked God for his current kidney troubles. I have begun the habit of thanking God in everything and finding the silver lining in anything. Now to most people I suppose this is may seem that I am "grasping for straws" here. "What mother would go as far as to thank God for her son's needs for antibiotics at such a young age just to be grateful that her son will most likely not get a simple pink eye infection at 2 months of age?" Me, I suppose and perhaps it is only "grasping at straws" but I will take it where I can find it.
Learning to thank God in everything and anything, and to find the silver lining where ever and whenever I can find them is as much as I have learned in recent months. And I will most certainly hold that near and dear to my heart whenever I can, because it is at these moments I am in communion with the Lord.
A few months ago, my eldest daughter was hospitalized with pneumonia for which conventional antibiotics couldn't strike down. Her 12-day hospitalization also included a stay in PICU for compromised breathing she experienced during a bronchi scope that went poorly. It was in PICU where I experienced a fall when I was around 27 weeks pregnant. When my daughter was released from the hospital, she came home with a PICC line for which we, her parents, had a 30 minute crash course on how to administer IV antibiotics for 2 weeks. During that time her little sister took a hard fall and hit her head, and the Mazda's check engine light came on once again. Then after we celebrated Skye's PICC line removal, Scot landed himself in the ER for nearly passing out and for an irregular EEG. We soon recovered from that when we grew more concerned with the results from our unborn son's ultra sounds, which indicated increasing fluid around his kidneys and talks of heart problems and Downs Syndrome soon transpired. Our son was born and after a slue of tests, he was diagnosed with a partial blockage of his left kidney and we are currently in the process of approaching another round of tests and doctor appoinments once more as the medical bills keep piling in, but I am thankful that we have medical insurance. So many things also occurred during this period of time and I will not take the time to spell out every single event, but one can look at what I have written and know that we have been experiencing a great deal; but in retrospect I am thankful for them all.
It has been during this period of time that I have learned to give God the steering wheel and let him drive. I simply cannot be in control of everything. In doing so, I have found a new outlook on life and my relationship with God that I am not sure if I would have realized otherwise. This outlook is one of joy and hope that only comes from giving it all to God and thanking Him in everything including the bad. When my eldest daughter's fevers continued to spike even after almost 3 weeks, I learned to even thank God that the fever spikes were not so high or that she was able to talk to me and play during them. Again, finding the silver lining anywhere I could find them. In doing so, I slowly became happier because I was not primarily focused on the negative. I have continued as best as I can to carry on with this practice as it has helped me immensely in my life.
Through it God has shown me that I have only come this far because of His love which strengthens me. So you may look at some of what I have to say some days as "grasping for straws" and if you do that is okay, just know that I plan on 'keeping-on' because living this way has given me more joy during trying times than I ever could have originally imagined.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
"Thanking God for Them There Ants!"
Ants...ants...what about them pesky little ants? Now they are one of God's little creatures that I just don't understand their purpose and why He made them at all. Yep, in my book they are right up there with mosquitos, though in fact I think I hate them blood sucking insects worse than I do ants, but ants are just down right annoying as well. Now don't take me wrong, their pure physical strength is quite astounding and a miracle all in their own right and may be just may be we are to look at those creatures as if they are an example of strength; but still to me they are only viewed as pests that must die!
As my middle child sat in time out the other day, which is by the front door, her fear of insects took over as her screams were heard through-out our small little house. She was screaming about the ants. Well, expecting only to see one as often times that is what is enough to set my little girl off, she was actually surrounded by six of them instead. Scot, her daddy and my husband, came to the rescue and pulled her to safety, but it was in this moment that Scot and I realized that we were starting to show signs of an ant "occupation" in our house, mainly with in the coat closet where our recycables sit.
Ever since, as each day has passed, we have noticed more and more of those pesky lil' critters--the ants! In fact, as I sat outside on the front step with my infant son in my arms and watched my girls play, I realized how nasty little ants can be and quickly sympathized with my middle daughter's fears. Ants...ants are mean! They were biting me! I must have been bit by those little guys 4 to 5 times--enough times anyways to be concerned for my infant son, so I stood up the remaining time as the girls played with their water guns. Remarking to Scot just before dinner of my encounter with the ants, Scot immediately found ant spray and started the "declaration of war" against the ants.
The next morning as I was placing another item in our recycling bin, I discovered that ants had found the empty container of OJ. So in frustration and griping in toe, I took the bottle outside and began spraying it with the ant spray. After raging war there, I decided to spray the front step and all around our front door. As I began to rage war on the ants, I noticed something dark coming at me. It was larger than the ants and there was red...RED...OH NO RED--a familiar red hour-glass on it's body! HA! I had unknowingly declared war on a raging black widow spider, a poisoness bug. I turned the ant spray directly on to it and just about finished the bottle on this one nasty spider. After realizing that the spider was dead, I looked to see where it came from and was horrified. It's web was right by the front door and there sitting in the web looked like an egg sack. I destoyed the egg sack and completely obliverated (totally don't know if I spelt that right) the spider to a pulp.
We had just been outside the day before. And as the ants were biting, a bigger threat to me and my three children, was just behind me and right by the door. I immediately went from hating the ants to thanking God for them! Later that morning as I went into the kitchen, I was quickly faced with another ant who was carrying something upon its back (food none-the-less) but this time as I quickly went to strike it down, I thanked God for the current invasion.
I was also reminded that I have been learning to thank God in everything lately. For those who know me, constant worry is a HUGE problem of mine and I am often too consumed with dread when the "unwanted" or "unexpected" arise. I easily thank God when things are going right or most importantly how I wish them to be; but if it is not as I want, grumbling is what leads my thoughts. As recent events have occurred, I have learned to be thankful in anything and everything. And as I may still have relaspes here and there, I am light years from where I was just a few months ago.
Although I have gone through some rough times in my past, such as trying to get pregnant with my eldest daughter, in retrospect, my time of 'trying' was nothing compared to other women I know, and I only really came away from that with compassion for those who long to be a wife and/or mother. It has only been recently, through my eldest daughter's battle with a severe case of pneumonia and my son's kidney problems that I have learned to be thankful in everything. God's plans may not be my plans and I may not always like His plans but they are His plans just the same and we can choose to learn from them and embrace them so to speak or live a discouraging life trying so hard to deny them.
Reflecting on the last few months I totally see where God was working and I didn't even know it and in the end how everything came together for His good. I had to get to the point of completely giving everything to God to see it. Had to thank Him for my circumstances. As a friend of mine said once that we should thank God in everything. Even when you are cleaning the toilet. Thank God that you have a family to clean-up after. So very true. And now when I wash the dishes, my hated chore, thank God for the food He has provided and for my family who was able to partake in it.
After a friend of mine, may be jokingly, mentioned to me about blogging as a response to my long mass email updates I used to produce during my children's medical problems, I started to think about blogging seriously. Well after much prayer and consideration, and after my experience with the ants, I decided "why not go for it" and so here I am...
As my middle child sat in time out the other day, which is by the front door, her fear of insects took over as her screams were heard through-out our small little house. She was screaming about the ants. Well, expecting only to see one as often times that is what is enough to set my little girl off, she was actually surrounded by six of them instead. Scot, her daddy and my husband, came to the rescue and pulled her to safety, but it was in this moment that Scot and I realized that we were starting to show signs of an ant "occupation" in our house, mainly with in the coat closet where our recycables sit.
Ever since, as each day has passed, we have noticed more and more of those pesky lil' critters--the ants! In fact, as I sat outside on the front step with my infant son in my arms and watched my girls play, I realized how nasty little ants can be and quickly sympathized with my middle daughter's fears. Ants...ants are mean! They were biting me! I must have been bit by those little guys 4 to 5 times--enough times anyways to be concerned for my infant son, so I stood up the remaining time as the girls played with their water guns. Remarking to Scot just before dinner of my encounter with the ants, Scot immediately found ant spray and started the "declaration of war" against the ants.
The next morning as I was placing another item in our recycling bin, I discovered that ants had found the empty container of OJ. So in frustration and griping in toe, I took the bottle outside and began spraying it with the ant spray. After raging war there, I decided to spray the front step and all around our front door. As I began to rage war on the ants, I noticed something dark coming at me. It was larger than the ants and there was red...RED...OH NO RED--a familiar red hour-glass on it's body! HA! I had unknowingly declared war on a raging black widow spider, a poisoness bug. I turned the ant spray directly on to it and just about finished the bottle on this one nasty spider. After realizing that the spider was dead, I looked to see where it came from and was horrified. It's web was right by the front door and there sitting in the web looked like an egg sack. I destoyed the egg sack and completely obliverated (totally don't know if I spelt that right) the spider to a pulp.
We had just been outside the day before. And as the ants were biting, a bigger threat to me and my three children, was just behind me and right by the door. I immediately went from hating the ants to thanking God for them! Later that morning as I went into the kitchen, I was quickly faced with another ant who was carrying something upon its back (food none-the-less) but this time as I quickly went to strike it down, I thanked God for the current invasion.
I was also reminded that I have been learning to thank God in everything lately. For those who know me, constant worry is a HUGE problem of mine and I am often too consumed with dread when the "unwanted" or "unexpected" arise. I easily thank God when things are going right or most importantly how I wish them to be; but if it is not as I want, grumbling is what leads my thoughts. As recent events have occurred, I have learned to be thankful in anything and everything. And as I may still have relaspes here and there, I am light years from where I was just a few months ago.
Although I have gone through some rough times in my past, such as trying to get pregnant with my eldest daughter, in retrospect, my time of 'trying' was nothing compared to other women I know, and I only really came away from that with compassion for those who long to be a wife and/or mother. It has only been recently, through my eldest daughter's battle with a severe case of pneumonia and my son's kidney problems that I have learned to be thankful in everything. God's plans may not be my plans and I may not always like His plans but they are His plans just the same and we can choose to learn from them and embrace them so to speak or live a discouraging life trying so hard to deny them.
Reflecting on the last few months I totally see where God was working and I didn't even know it and in the end how everything came together for His good. I had to get to the point of completely giving everything to God to see it. Had to thank Him for my circumstances. As a friend of mine said once that we should thank God in everything. Even when you are cleaning the toilet. Thank God that you have a family to clean-up after. So very true. And now when I wash the dishes, my hated chore, thank God for the food He has provided and for my family who was able to partake in it.
After a friend of mine, may be jokingly, mentioned to me about blogging as a response to my long mass email updates I used to produce during my children's medical problems, I started to think about blogging seriously. Well after much prayer and consideration, and after my experience with the ants, I decided "why not go for it" and so here I am...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)