The Waiting Room

I hate waiting.  For those of you who know me well, you know that the waiting game has never been something that I have been good at.  Patience has never been, nor am I starting to think that it will ever be, a virtue of mine. 

I remember the first time I realized that patience was not a strong suit of mine.  I was in Kindergarten waiting in line for the water fountain.  I was telling some of my class mates to hurry up with drinking so that I could quench my thirst from playing outside in the warm weather.  All of a sudden I felt Miss Neil's hands grab my shoulders and with her firm grip upon my shoulders, she led me to the very back of the line where she proceeded to tell me that I needed to learn how to be patient.  Tears welled up in my little blue eyes as I realized how my actions in the end made me wait longer and how I was scolded by my teacher; however, she was right.

Here on this earth we have many situations and circumstances that cause us to wait.  The downside to waiting is that society today leads us to believe that "Waiting is for losers," for which my Pastor described a few weeks ago during a sermon about waiting.  He discussed how sometimes waiting is where we need to be and waiting is good. I agreed. I mean Scot and I had to wait almost a year to be blessed with conceiving our first child.  And if I had to do it again and I had to wait longer to be blessed with a child I would do it because waiting for a blessing like that is worth the wait.  Also, looking back on that time before Skye, I can see how God used that time to plant a seed of change in my heart for the years and situations ahead.

Here I am again, however, waiting impatiently.  And sadly, I feel like I have back slid a little from the lessons I have learned just years prior.  I feel like God opened a door for Scot and I and we walked right on through it only for that door to just lead us into a small, cramped hallway so to speak, waiting for another locked door to open for which God has the only key.  I feel myself questioning God as to why He even opened the one door in the first place if frankly He was just planning on leaving us in this hallway for a period of time anyways.

I almost feel like I did a few weeks ago when things beyond my control led me straight to the same waiting room twice in less than one week's time.  When the first visit with the doctor didn't go my way when God went ahead and did things His way instead; and then I was faced with a few days of waiting for a phone call that would just land me back in for a second time with the doctor.  I sat there in the waiting room for the second time waiting again which I had already been doing for about the last four days prior and I was anticipating for the wait to be over but nervous about my reasons for the second visit and what it could bring.  I sat there in the waiting room questioning God as to why it was this way while also thanking Him for other answered prayers at the same time.  I also sat there waiting for the meds that I had taken in preparation for that visit to start taking affect, realizing there were no good reading materials, texting two of my friends for prayer and support, looking at all the other people who were also waiting and doing this all while I was wiggling my right foot nervously waiting for the nurse to call my name.  Soon the door opened and my name was called and I was led back only to have to wait an hour longer in a small room by myself with the nurse checking in on me occasionally.  Eventually, my doctor came in; however, as it was a relief for me to see her, it was only then when I had to ultimately relinquish control as I had to place my trust in her as my doctor for my physical well being. 

I feel like the waiting room is a great analogy to describe our relationship with God especially during a time of waiting.  We are all sitting in the waiting room of life waiting for our turn.  We are waiting for the door to open and for our name to be called; however, sometimes when one wait is over it doesn't necessarily mean that another hasn't begun.  Often we try to find other things to fill our time as we wait such as friends, activities, reading materials and such like what I did finally as I waited for my doctor in the little room when I had discovered I had game demos on my cell phone for which I chose to play as I wanted to pass the time away. 

My doctor saw the whole picture too.  When she arrived she explained her reasons why she had to make me wait.  She had other patients who had needs that day and one definitely needed her attention first, which led to the decision to make me wait. That scenario reminds me of how God sees the whole picture as well.  He knows "the bigger picture" and although there are often times we may not know why God allowed things to happen or why we are forced to wait, we have to trust that there is a reason and that God has our well being in mind as well as that of others.  For instance, as parents we often are forced to tell our children to wait for various reasons and often times our children do not always understand why we are making them wait; however, most times there is a good reason as to why we must make them wait. 

Sometimes as we wait, we are one of a few different kinds of patients that we often see in the waiting room of doctor offices.  For instance, there are those individuals who do not want anyone to notice how anxious and fearful they are during the wait.  And yet there are others who gladly talk loudly amongst themselves as to share with everyone in the waiting room the details of their wait and the purpose of their visit.  Lastly, there are others who get agitated when it looks like their wait is longer than others who are also in the waiting room with out knowing the details of the other person's visit and/or wait.

And even when the wait is finally over, most times, like me with my doctor for instance, we then still have to place our trust in God as the wait comes to an end.  It is still beyond our control in many respects and who knows what hurdle we may still have to overcome later. Sometimes when the path is unclear and we are unsure what our next step shall be, we need to wait and to pray.  And perhaps waiting is the best step to take in many circumstances.

I am currently in a season of waiting.  Not sure when the wait will be over, but I have to trust in my "heavenly doctor."  As I have been forced to wait in one area in my life, I have also decided that I must place myself in a time of waiting in some other areas in my life as well, as rushing to make quick decisions with out waiting upon the Lord and evaluating everything could inherently make other situations worse or all the more unclear.  Even though the world around me is demanding a quick action, waiting is what I have decided to do for now.  The other waiting is completely in God's control.

And as I wait, I know that it is NOT by coincidence that I am waiting during a time for which my Pastor has chosen to take the Advent season--remembering the waiting of the coming Savior--to discuss and to teach on waiting in our lives.  Again perfect timing that I do not take lightly.  My Pastor discussed the following scripture just a few short weeks ago: "I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard me cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.  He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear and put their trust in God.  Psalms 40:1-3 (NIV)

I leave you with part of the following song although I know that it isn't necessarily Biblically based, although I have heard a contemporary Christian music artist sing it once; but I know that God can use anything to speak to us--really anything.  So here is a little segment from the version I have on my iPod from Miley Cyrus' The Climb.  (And as a side note, even though Miley hasn't been making the best choices possibly for her life God loves her too.)  As I am not going to quote the entire song, this song is mainly referring to one's hopes and dreams.  God knows the desires of your heart.  He knows our hopes and dreams; and while not all desires will be fulfilled in the way in which we would prefer them to be some times, by God's grace and love, those desires can be quenched through Him.

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments
That I'm going to remember most
Yeah just got to keep going
And I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on


Cause there's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle
Sometimes your going to have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
Its the climb


Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith


It's all about the climb
Keep your faith
Keep your faith

Little Orphan Giraffe

I sat down with Paisley this afternoon to play with her.  Like normal, she enjoyed telling me what to do and instructed me on how to play and what to play as she gave me her play by play.  Each little stuffed animal was on a sofa pillow and she explained how she was taking care of them and putting them to bed.  She decided to introduce me to each of her stuffed little friends.  As she did, she came across a little giraffe where she proceeded to say, "I am taking care of her, because her mother died."

Now if you know Paisley, she often plays this way.  One of her playmates is often missing a parent or loses a parent through death.  I often wonder to myself if she is another Walt Disney who seemed to have a thing about killing off parents and leaving children with out a loving home as many of the company's movies are associated with a parental loss of some kind, especially that of mothers.  Many times when Paisley plays this way, I try to tell her to play more positively or ask her why she feels that a death or loss must occur; and I wonder why my daughter plays that way and I steer the play in a different more positive direction even though I slightly hound her for playing the way she was originally.

Today, however, was different for me.  I came to a realization that I never had before.  May be part of it was the conversation that T. and I had at church today.  Regardless, I came to the new realization as I watched Paisley play; and it brought tears to my eyes.  As I watched Paisley tuck the little orphaned giraffe into "bed" I realized that most times when Paisley plays that way, she is taking care of the orphaned child, or another character (stuffed animal or Barbie or even Polly Pockets) is either taking care of, or loving, the orphan. 

The fact is simply this: orphans exist.  Whether through death or in some version of abandonment, they exist.  They need people to want to take care of them.  And yes while I have tried to refocus Paisley's play sometimes to focus on more positive things in play, may be I shouldn't anymore primarily due to two reasons: 1) Life isn't hunky dory.  It's not always filled with positive things.  Sometimes there are sad things and there are needs to be met.  There are orphans in this world with out a family to love them; and to deny it, is simply ignorant. 2) Joy can come from and for an orphan through a placement in a forever home or people to love them in various ways, which is a positive.

When I see C.'s two newly adopted sons, who recently joined her family of five, and when I hear them calling her "Mom" and "Mommy" everyday that I see them together, my heart flutters and tears come to my eyes.  C and her husband are not the only ones who have brought precious orphans into their lives.  Between my church and some other associations, I have been blessed and moved in regards to orphan care.  My church has been touched in so many ways by orphans, adoption and fostering with in the last few years.  It has opened my eyes to a growing need in this world.

Scot and I have been doing a lot of praying and soul searching as to how, when and what our part shall be in regards to orphan care.  I believe that God has placed us in this church for a reason and has surrounded us with the people He has surrounded us with for a reason too.  As God has confirmed other things for us in recent weeks, I am left soul searching in other regards too and feeling somewhat confused now.  I am praying.  We need prayers.  I am not sure where the road will take us but God knows. 

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.    James 1:27