Seize the Day

"I would live in the moment--the present.  I would seize the day," I replied with tears filling my eyes for a second time during that afternoon's session with the Biblical counselor. I want to seize the day I thought to myself as I realized that I finally had grasped a part of the puzzle of overcoming my anger. My response was in reference to a question that she had asked me: If you could set aside your habitual anger, what healthy traits would you choose?

Sure, I have had some legitimate reasons to be pissed off.  Having precious times with my husband and my children be tainted by the memories of others' passed wrongs and choices that have undoubtedly changed the scope of my life and future life when I was a child and now into my adulthood, makes me angry.  At times livid.  It shouldn't have to be that way.  Yes, I long for sincere recognition of the sacrifices I made and was forced to make when I was younger.  But the fact of the matter is that although as nice as some recognition and affirmation would be from loved ones as well as for them to take ownership of their choices and actions would be for me, in retrospect I can't go through life expecting that as nice as it would be that one day it will indeed happen; when in fact, in many regards, it probably won't.

And please do forgive me.  I do know that to several of you this sounds much like "my diary screaming aloud," but I assure that it is because I have something I want to share that I have learned.  As angry as I am about my passed and how it sometimes makes me feel as I am trying to embrace motherhood and the present as well as when I am consumed by what others say or believe of me that is simply untrue or unfounded (a form of idolatry on my part), letting it all go begins with me and only me...and well with God's help too mind you.

When I think about a loved one in my life who seems so hell bent on just being angry no matter what blessings could actually be staring right in that person's face, I have realized that that is where my life is headed if I do not change.  Years and years of this person being habitually angry has landed them with relationships breaking with in their own family presently.  And when I heard one of their children state when did they become so angry?--I knew I wanted more for me and my family.

My husband and kids deserve to have all of me present in the here and now.  I want to embrace those times with them instead of using the present to relive the past to try to change the future.  The here and now is all I've got.  Time flies and the kids grow quickly.  Why waste such precious moments in time that will not come again to dwell in the past and try to predict the future that only God knows about anyways.  The future is so unpredictable.

Just with in the last two years, I have realized how precious and short life here on earth really is and how every minute counts--really truly counts.  I want my husband and my kids and others to have every bit of me in the here and now.  Worrying is in vain and so is being angry, which for me sometimes coincides.  It's like that one Sunscreen song from 1998 Worrying is like trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.  The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind--the kind that blind sides you at 4 PM on some idle Tuesday. 

Embrace today.  Grab it and hold onto it like it was in the palm of your hand.  Don't look for tomorrow; live for today.  Make today count.  See today's blessings.  And if you are having problems doing so, spend whatever moment you can and throughout the day thanking God for whatever positives you can absolutely find, no matter how simple it may seem--thank Him.  It has helped me seize the day.

And if you are like me and you have circumstances in your life that have left you bitter, you need to choose to be more Christ like in your love and emotions towards others.  And yes it is a choice.  It doesn't have to be this way.  You do not have to be a door mat but you don't want to be an old moldy sponge for anger to soak through either.  While I am currently working to let the past and anger go, I believe that it is possible.  I just can't be passive about it anymore.  While negative thoughts still come, I have to actively choose to push those negative ones aside and think of different ones.  Learn what you can from it and then just let it go.  Flush the anger and the past like they were in your toilet--close the lid, press the handle and walk away, and may be turn the air vent on for a time or use the smelling spray, but in due time the stench will dissipate.

And if there are circumstances and people that have left you feeling bitter, frustrated, irritated and resentful (all aspects of anger) I leave you with part of the following song (the words of which are to the best of my knowledge from memory) that may shed a different light on it all.

Every long lost dream
Led me to where you are...

Others who broke my heart
They were just northern stars
Pointing me on my way
Into your loving arms.

This much I know is true
God bless the broken road
that led me straight to you.

Selah ~ Broken Road


SEIZE THE DAY!!!