Our Leap (At This Point)

Our Leap at This Point

The Leap

Basically, we believed and have felt lead for quite some time that we are to have a fourth child.  Now for many of you, this is of no surprise; however, if you read the following, you will, perhaps, understand that there are some complexities involved.  In fact, having a fourth child at this time is simply not just it.  There is more to it than that...way more in fact; and that is why we are waiting and seeking right now.

When I graduated from college, I saw myself as a married career woman with may be one to two children at the most.  Little did I know what God had planned for me instead--a few years later I would be a mother of three desiring for not only a fourth biological child but an adopted fifth child as well.  Once I turned down my job with the local police department about 10 years ago (I wanted to be an investigator but was planning on starting as a police officer for experience), I could not find a job I liked worth a darn or that liked me for that matter!  Nope notta nothing...!  Felt so very out of place wherever I was at.  I turned down my job offer with the PD because during the several weeks of the application process I realized how much I wanted to be a wife and mother. After observing other officers and their family dynamic, I realized for me, I could not be both a good police officer as well as a good wife and mother all at the same time.  I knew at some point something was going to have to give; and so I let go the job right then and there when I figured things out.  And ever since then I couldn't find my place in the working world.  But God had a plan.


As the years went by and other circumstances came into play, Scot and I realized that we were being led to have a larger family.  Four kids or more were in our future. And as time drew closer to our leap of faith for our fourth child, Scot and I were totally unexpectedly struck with another new aspiring thought and belief, which has brought us to where we are in our leap today.


As the thought was starting to occur to me, little did I know the same thought was occurring for Scot and I got goose bumps the day he mentioned what he had been thinking to me; because none-the-less I had been thinking the same.  "What about adopting a possible fifth child someday?" he said one day after church and my heart just skipped a beat!


Why Is It A Leap of Faith?

First of all, Scot and I are planners.  We plan, plan and plan.  We often have back-up plans to our plans!  And that is no joke! 

In this case, we wouldn't really be able to plan until a child is upon us.  This will be our first child with out a nursery of their own.  This will be our first child where we will not be able to figure out sleeping arrangement for them, or anyone else for that matter, until we are well into our leap and we know who is joining our family.  Our house and yard are small; so small in fact, that some people would probably not take the leap at all.  Even this past week, as I was starting my major spring cleaning and seasonal clothes shifting, I was scratching my head and wondering how on earth I was going to fit everything we had now much less another set of clothes and toys for another child in the future.  Many would wave the white flag and just surrender, but instead we are believing that God will show us the way.  Many people would probably think that we should just wait until our ducks are lined up in a row just right and we are ready and able to move into a larger house before we take such a leap; but we are choosing to trust in God first and let Him take care of the rest.

Secondly, in this bad economy, adding another child may not be what many others would consider a smart idea.  Another child does add an additional financial aspect; however, again the point of leaping is learning to trust and believe that God will provide, especially when you are doing what you believe He is calling you to do anyways.  True getting a table for six may not be as easy as a table for four when eating out, however, we already have to get a table for five anyways so what is one more?  Sure there are times when we cut back or spend cautiously but I think that gives us and our children a healthy perspective on life.  And we are by no means destitute let me just add, but we are saving carefully and spending carefully and paying down our debt as we have goals now for possible future leaps of faith.

Not knowing how it will all work out, is almost freeing!  Can't figure it all out right now, so for the first time in our marriage, Scot and I are simply stating that we will wait and see what happens and where God will leads us.  We will make each decision when the time comes and the time is right.  I can't even begin to explain how much I have gained about faith-building and faith-living already!  When I question things and decisions, I am learning that God provides us clues and encouragement about what we are supposed to do along the way even if it is to just simply wait.  When I start to try to plan for the what-ifs God has reminded me that He is ultimately in control.  And when I wonder if we have heard correctly, knowing that God can use anything for His glory just lifts me and frees me! 

Confirmation


Again, Scot and I have believed that we were to have a fourth child for some time now.  But before we took our leap of faith of being off birth control and seeing where it would lead us, we still doubted about it a little, due to this house, finances, economy and such.  With in about three weeks of us planning on removing my IUC, however, God allowed a situation to occur where we had no choice but to have it removed.  I feel like that was God's way of nudging us off the edge into our leap.  It was our confirmation that we needed to know that we were doing the right thing.

Seeking and Waiting

During the time of when the Mirena was removed, like I had mentioned previously, Scot and I felt led that some day we are to adopt a fifth child as well.  We had several things occur that brought us to this conclussion; however, due to the timing of seeing if God would bless us with our fourth biological child and our birth control method having to be removed as well--confirming that leap--we didn't want to rush into adoption right away either as we had been led to have another of our own, or well atleast be birth control free.  So we are currently seeing where God will steer us so to speak so we haven't wanted to rush to adoption right away either. 

As I had mentioned this to two individuals a while back about our desire to have a fourth child of our own and our new desire to adopt a fifth child someday as well, one of the individuals asked "Why not adopt a fourth child now?"  I became slightly confused between what others thought of us and what I believed God was asking us to do.

Also, with in weeks of our official leap of faith, Scot and I experienced the worst time of struggle in our 12-year-relationship and almost 10 years of marriage.  We struggled for a while.  We had to work on some things and figure out some things.  It was a rough patch.  Felt like Satan was totally attacking a good thing.  We had to seek God's grace and mercy through it all.  However, Scot and I were in no shape to add another child into the mix at that point. 

As time passed, Scot and I seriously worked out some stuff, as we are doing much better now.  However, in regards to our leap, we have been at a point of waiting and seeing what God would have us do.  Waitng to see what door He will open next and where He will lead us.  Waiting is hard but sometimes it is exactly what God wants you to do as well.  Sometimes we need to just wait and seek God; and that is just fine.


Cautious

I have been cautious to write about this for a few reasons:

1. Seems like people have an opinion on birth-control and family planning.
2. People have expressed their opinions on whether I should adopt first or not.  Even had one person tell me that because of Skye's broken clavical at birth and chest infections later on in her young life, Paisley's small seizure scare when she was about 6-months-old, and with Ian's renal problems, that may be Scot and I should consider adoption before having another biological child.  First of all, what faithless living that would be.  Secondly and most importantly, what would that say about my children!  Even if one of them had worse problems than they ended up having or if Ian actually was born with Down Syndrome like it was suspected at one point when I was pregnant with him, I would have had them again because they are so very prescious to me! How absurd for someone to say that!  My children are healthy children in many respects, and even if my next child were to have a more serious chronic issue by God I would love them or want them no less!  Plus, being a mom to my children have taught me more about faith and living selflessly than I could ever have imagined and I thank God for my precious angels even my little one in heaven.  They have all had a purpose.
3. I have been wanting to take into consideration those who I know have been experiencing problems with conceiving their first or second child, yet alone hear about me and my desire to have my fourth child. 
4. Simply afraid of what people will think of our leap of faith period.
5. Scot and I had issues to resolve first and I didn't want to have the whole world knowing about it; but in the end, may be writing my brief blurb about it testifies that perseverence and seeking God in your marriage is a testament of grace and love.
6. Not yet sure where our leap will take us.

As of Now

As of now, we have been waiting and seeking.  We have two desires now on our hearts and not sure when or how or if it will all work out.  Some things may have to fall into place first before other things take shape, but as of now we desire a fourth biological child with the desire that may be someday we are to adopt a fifth child.  We shall see where the road takes us...