October

While I generally look forward to the start of each new season, as October arrived last week and as cooler weather swept in over the weekend, I am finding myself apprehensive about the change of season and thus frustrated with myself. I am disappointed in myself for the fact that after all we have been through in the past year and after what I have learned from the year's events and trials, including the good that came from them, I am now finding myself worrying and anxious because when I think of October right now, I unfortunately think about how October began months of trials and medical scares for my family last year.

I say that as Skye has come down with a fever, sore throat and a small cough today! ARG!

It was in October of 2009, when my girls were struck with H1N1 while I was a few weeks pregnant with Ian. It was in October of 2009, when Skye came down with her first of 3 chest infections. It was in October of 2009 that I started to let fear overtake my mind and I wasn't trusting God with our health anymore. It was October of 2009 that started many months of trials. The majority of the trials were that of medical and health. What stands out the most in my memory were every two weeks we were hit with illness, 3 chest infections for Skye, 12-day hospitalization for Skye that included PICU and 2 weeks at home with a PICC line, Scot's cardiac scare, Paisley's bump on the head, and Ian's kidney troubles. I am realizing that everything we have been through is very much still fresh in my mind.

I wish that I would think more about the positives of October 2009 instead of the negatives. Especially, our two wonderful day trips to the mountains; and most importantly, that it was in October of 2009, that we were very blessed to learn that we were expecting our son Ian. I need to hold onto that very special gift and how precious October 2009 really was and let go of the past. To some degree I am also torn with letting it all go, because so much positive came from all that we went through. I am a changed person through it all, even though I feel like I have back slid with the worry at the moment and not trusting in God. I feel like Satan is attacking me where I am most vulnerable right now, especially with Skye coming down with something this month of all months.

This is October of 2010, and although we are faced with a similar sight in our house currently, as we did this time last year (sickness in our household), this is a different year and God is right here with me--something He reminded me of earlier today at Wellspring (a Women's Bible Study at my church). Thankfully, Scot agreed to work from home this morning to stay with Skye so that the rest of us could go to church. A blessing--because as I was there, God reminded me that its not all on me. Look to the Cross.

So this where I begin this new month and new year so to speak.