This is merely a place of self-reflection for me. After recent events in my life, I have learned that although some doors of life open that we may prefer stay closed nice and tight while others close that we prefer stay wide open, God is there every step of the way and He can use anything for His glory and blessing!
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Change in Ian's Appointments and his Activity Level!
Please pray that Little Man does okay during the procedure as it is at least 55 minutes long, not including the prep time, as he is becoming a very active little boy. With in the last few days he has begun to call me by name (Mama or Mommy--and no I am totally not joking) and he has pulled himself up to standing all by himself and to much of Scot's and my surprise one morning, he even managed to get himself up one step and sit on it by himself! We didn't see him do it because we were under the impression that our sunk-in living room would keep him trapped for a bit longer. Um... nope I guess not! So with that said, keeping him still for the test could be a bit of a challenge!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Tiny Little, Pesky Things
That afternoon, I left that office feeling a little low that we were sick once more, but rebounded rather quickly with the thought that "Well, at least its not chest infections." Skye had a sinus infection and Ian had a cold and an ear infection, although it was his 2nd in less then a month, but hey, it wasn't a chest infection--right?!
Well, just a few short days later, Paisley came down with croup, which then mutated into bronchitis and an ear infection. While I was there at the pediatrician's, I asked them to check Ian because his cough started to sound funny to me. Turned out that he was wheezing and needed a treatment. The doctor said that she believed he had RSV.
I remember a lump formed in my throat as I realized that all three children will have been nebulized at one time or another since December and that I was going to be nebulizing two of my children at the same time. And on top of that, the pediatrician and I were both fully aware of the fact that it had been a year since Skye's terrible illness. Tears formed in my eyes as I went searching my knowledge as to what I can do to protect the health of my children just short of living in a bubble. My positive from a few days prior--at least we don't have chest infections--had flown right out the window. As I could feel my negative feelings take over me, I flat out made a decision right then and there that I was not going to go down into the 'pit.' And then I found a positive when reflecting on Skye's hospitalization. "Well," I said to myself, "at least we are not at the hospital. We are going home today and we will be home as a family."
The night before, when Paisley's fever returned after a day and half or so of being fever free, and I knew it probably meant that she was developing a chest infection, we bought a pulse oximeter. As I told my mother about this and that I was happy to have something else to help reassure my worried mind for my children and their breathing, she told me not to pull it out all of the time and use it. Basically, that I shouldn't become consumed with using it. I knew what she meant and that she was right.
Today at Wellspring, oh and speaking of Wellspring Bible Study, through out all of our illnesses, we have managed to have a break from them on Tuesdays where I have been able to make every meeting. A side note, but I think a pretty good side note! God is good. God has wanted me to be there.
Anyways... at Wellspring today we studied Psalm 131. The following is what stood out to me the most. It was the first verse:
O Lord, my heart is not lifted up;
My eyes are not raised too high;
I do not occupy myself with things
too great for me.
Wow! Let me say that again--WOW! This is David speaking here and what he says is powerful. I think what he meant here is not to spend your time and consume your thoughts on things that are beyond your control and are not tangible. Like me constantly worrying about our health and more specifically the health of my children and a relapse/recurrence of last year. While washing hands and such can diminish our chances of illnesses and the affects of the illnesses, running around with the thermometer and pulse oximeter in hand like a crazy woman and sanitizing my kiddos with worry and hand sanitizer where I might as well shower them in the stuff, doesn't necessarily mean that we are going to stay healthy and germ free. And doing such stuff and worrying can be physically and emotionally exhausting and it can be taxing on those watching or subject to it, like my kiddos for instance.
Little germs and bacteria are so far beyond my control. I can't stop them. Those tiny little pesky things are so much bigger (HA! I laugh at the thought of that very statement! Such irony in it.) than I can handle and control with actions and worry alone. All I can do is try to control my thoughts, find every positive I can find, pray, go to scripture and claim it for me and my family and listen to praise and worship music.
So if you find yourself thinking that you can control a situation that is too large for you, go to God. You CANNOT do it on your own strength. You will exhaust yourself trying. Look to God. If you have something in your life that is larger than what you can handle, whether it is your future, a health condition, death of a loved one, rejection or reputation has been scarred, or whatever it may be, I challenge you to go to God. Find the positives, read scripture, talk to your Father with prayer, listen to praise and worship music, because you are not supposed to do it by yourself...
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Barbies or TV??
She threw herself upon the couch and amongst her Barbie friends claiming that she never got to play with them. I raised my voice at her and told her that after she finished homework she had the choice to play Barbies but she asked me to turn on the television instead. I reminded her that it was her choice to watch TV and not to play Barbies so if she was upset with anybody it should be with herself. This didn't settle well with her but I could tell she knew it was the truth.
As I was thinking about that lovely moment in parenting, I realized that we often react that way with God. He has given us a free will (and although I have argued with some people in regards to this, my thoughts about it are still the same). God has given us free will--the freedom to make choices. Some choices are better than others, and while God sometimes may try to send us subtle hints as to what choice we should make, it is still our choice to listen to Him or not just the same. But if we make the wrong choice, boy do we like to throw a hissy fit at God, blaming Him for the consequences when many times the outcomes are because of our decision and actions.
If you make a decision about something and it turns out to be a poor one, or one that you are not entirely pleased with the outcome, don't blame God, or blame others for that matter, because you know that in the end you made the decision. No one forced you to do anything. Stop making excuses too. Own it and learn from it.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Confessions of a Stay-At-Home Mom
I am a stay-at-home mom and I confess that I have been basing my happiness on my children and having children instead of basing it on God; and I have been consumed by this for quite sometime now. What I am talking about isn't just simply the bonds that a mother has with her children. I am also aware of the fact that being a stay-at-home mom is being mommy 24/7 and rearing her children is her job, her livelihood, her passion and most times than not it becomes her identity making it difficult to separate herself from her offspring; however, this went deeper than that believe it or not, and it was unfair to my children, my husband and to God.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Follow-Up Renal Scan Scheduled
At 4 PM the phone rang and it was her, the scheduler. She said that she was thankful that I had called again. She said that after the power kept going out yesterday and she couldn't get her work done, she admitted to me that she had forgotten. Our calls went a lot better this go around than last time, so I am thankful.
Ian's renal scan is scheduled for 2 PM on March 3rd and then we see the urologist the next day. I will post an update soon thereafter.