Don't Have To Be

This is not one of my typical posts I am afraid.  This is just me being transparent in the moment while still feeling led to write it even though I am afraid it is not filled with any eye opening revelation to any degree today.  Wish I had more to offer in this post besides my feelings but it is just where I am today.

Our faith free fall is completely just that right now for us and especially for me--an absolute free fall--and I just feel like each day I am just hurtling from the sky this way and that way.  Feel like this has all become one big joke and I am the one who is left not laughing.

Starting to doubt what I believe God told us to do, because of course it is not going how I wished it to go... but I guess that is simply it--yielding.  And while yielding to God hasn't exactly been fun and some things have occurred with in the last few months that have left me absolutely dumb founded in many respects; all I simply have left to hold onto today are the few nuggets God has given and the confirmation God gave us from the start. 

I feel like I am right back at the beginning of my spiritual walk again.  Feel like I am right back at where I was a few years ago.  I simply just don't have the strength today.  But I guess that is the point.  Listened to a song earlier that is so true.  I am not supposed to be strong enough.  I need to grab hold of God's strong mighty arm.  I kind of feel like I am in a pit today and I can't get out on my own strength and feel like giving up in many regards.

...But may be, may be that's the point
To reach the point of giving up
Cause when I'm finally, finally at rock bottom
That's when I start looking up
And reaching out.


I know that I'm not strong enough to be everything
That I'm supposed to be
I give-up
I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
All right now I'm asking You
To be strong enough...


I DON'T HAVE TO BE STRONG ENOUGH

~Strong Enough by Matthew West