REPEAT

I am going to find a positive gosh darn it I am...



God is our HEALER!



This past week has been completely crazy! This time last week, I had discovered I was experiencing fevers of 103; and by Tuesday afternoon, I found out that I not only had an ear infection in my left ear but that I had a pretty bad case of pneumonia. Yep, you read it correctly--PNEUMONIA! PNEUMONIA!



Who would have thought that 11 months after Skye, I would suffer both an ear infection and pneumonia just as she had experienced. This opened a ton of emotions for us. I could tell when Skye walked by my bedroom door and she saw me wearing a face mask that it brought back memories for her. She even stated how she wore one when she had pneumonia. And that was before I had revealed to her that I had pneumonia.



I was able to fight it at home. During the height of the illness and fevers and nausea, I thought to myself how strong Skye truly was and is; she suffered so much more than me and for a longer amount of time--much longer. I am in awe of her strength and I pray that she continues to have it and use it for the rest of her life.



Due to allergies that I have to Sulfur and Amoxicillin, and hence other Penicillins, I was forced to use antibiotics that I cannot use while nursing. So now I have to use frozen breast milk for Ian and supplement with formula, as I pump and dump. However, pumping and dumping have been causing blocked milk ducts that I have never experienced previously, and I have breastfed 3 kids now.



Thankfully, my fevers broke late Wednesday night into early Thursday. Although I am fever free, I am extremely exhausted. It takes a couple of weeks to heal from pneumonia. In the meantime, I am a mother of three with very low energy.



When we thought that we were in the clear, Ian came down with a nasty case of mastitis. Yes, even infant boys can get mastitis and Ian found the way! While the pediatrician was examining him for the mastitis, she discovered that he also had an ear infection.



Today, as Ian's infection was showing great improvement, Paisley has come down with diarrhea. The difference today, however, than how I was feeling the other evening, is that I am determined to think of the positives even if I have to pull my teeth out trying to find them. I am going to trust in God. Through out the last few days, I have had to tell myself and repeat over and over again in my head that God is for me and my family, and God is with us. I would repeat it even if I was having problems believing in it's entire. And God has given me what I have needed to get through it.



God laid it upon my heart on Wednesday as I was repeating "God is for me and God is with me" to read my daily devotion. The author talked about the waves mounting but that I needed to look at God instead of the large daunting waves. Looking at God would give me strength. With in an hour of reading that wouldn't you know that God had a friend of mine send me such a positive and uplifting text message. One that described that things may be difficult today and that tomorrow may be difficult too but well this is what she wrote: trust in him and not worry...so i say drink lots of juice...get lots of sleep...take ur meds...say a lil prayer...wake up and repeat. When I read that, it made me cry especially the 'repeat' part. It was simple and it was true. And REPEAT seemed to be the theme. Either in my actions, my prayers or what I was repeating to myself.



One night, I also just prayed a prayer like David. I told God I was angry and that I simply didn't know how to pray...



While life has not really gotten much better in the last day or so, I am going to REPEAT.