Freedom

Unfortunately, with in the last few months, as irrational as it may be and sound, the thoughts of snow would make my stomach turn. Just about a year prior, I would be excited at any prospect of snow. I would be like a kid again and get excited. Excited to see it and play in it.

However, after Skye came down with pneumonia during the large snow fall in late January/early February, my opinion of the 'white stuff' changed. Skye had played in the snow a great deal but came down with a bad cough and then a fever which eventually landed her in the hospital. When I think of that time, I think about illness and me being 25-weeks-pregnant shoveling snow when I realized that Skye was very sick and needed attention while Scot was at work one day. I shoveled snow from the van while trying not to fall on the ice and pull any stomach muscles. It was purely exhausting shoveling snow while being that far along, but like any mom, I did what I had to do.

I also remember a few days while Skye was very sick in the hospital, driving through small snow showers to and from the hospital and seeing snow flurries from Skye's hospital room window. I hated the snow. And as one of my sisters commented to me recently that she couldn't believe that I had become someone who couldn't stand the snow, I am afraid that it had become the truth. Me and the snow were not BFFs anymore. Perhaps irrational... perhaps I am experiencing some post traumatic syndrome of some sort... that is how I felt and to be honest with you I think I had the right to feel that way if I wanted to for the time being.

The first snowfall we had two weeks ago, I hated and didn't want much of anything to do with it. I wanted a snow free winter season. I didn't want to go in it; play in it; walk in it; or even just plain look at it. Scot took the kids out to play.

However, seeing Skye enjoy it and not associate it with her illness from almost a year ago slowly started to reassure me, a little. I really had to talk my self though it though.

As this last huge snow storm came rolling in, my attitude about it again was still some what negative. Besides associating it with Skye's severe pneumonia, it was also putting a damper on our Christmas plans. As we were able to eventually forge through the weather and enjoy our Christmas plans with family, being around my family and seeing my kids excited started to change my attitude a little. As my twin (aka the Snow Queen) got more and more excited about the snow and wanting to take family photos in the snow, I began to talk myself through it once again and convinced myself to try to enjoy it.

Once we were outside, I kept worrying about whether the girls were warm enough, even though I knew and had learned from Skye's doctors that pneumonia has nothing to do with the weather and body temperature (a misconception); but that it is caused by bacteria, a virus, or some kind of fungus. Regardless of this knowledge, however, I was worrying about the girls just the same. Then I finally made the effort. I gave the girls' health over to God. In a quick prayer I placed their health and my fears in God's hands. With my family's excitement and trusting in God, I had a blast in that large snowfall!

God was there and He answered my prayers... FREEDOM