Grasping for Straws

Well, I have a double pink eye infection. While I was up with my infant son at the "butt-crack-of-dawn,"--what I now 'term' that oh so very early part of the morning--I finally convinced myself that the symptoms that were presenting were definately that of the wonderful infection. My concern quickly went to my infant son who I often hold so close to me and I am in constant close contact with; and as this concern began to sit in my ever worrying brain, I realized that because of his kidney troubles and the antibiotics he is on due to the problem, he just may be spared from the dreaded pink!

I then went as far as to thank God for the antibiotics he is currently taking; and therefore, I suppose in a way, I thanked God for his current kidney troubles. I have begun the habit of thanking God in everything and finding the silver lining in anything. Now to most people I suppose this is may seem that I am "grasping for straws" here. "What mother would go as far as to thank God for her son's needs for antibiotics at such a young age just to be grateful that her son will most likely not get a simple pink eye infection at 2 months of age?" Me, I suppose and perhaps it is only "grasping at straws" but I will take it where I can find it.

Learning to thank God in everything and anything, and to find the silver lining where ever and whenever I can find them is as much as I have learned in recent months. And I will most certainly hold that near and dear to my heart whenever I can, because it is at these moments I am in communion with the Lord.

A few months ago, my eldest daughter was hospitalized with pneumonia for which conventional antibiotics couldn't strike down. Her 12-day hospitalization also included a stay in PICU for compromised breathing she experienced during a bronchi scope that went poorly. It was in PICU where I experienced a fall when I was around 27 weeks pregnant. When my daughter was released from the hospital, she came home with a PICC line for which we, her parents, had a 30 minute crash course on how to administer IV antibiotics for 2 weeks. During that time her little sister took a hard fall and hit her head, and the Mazda's check engine light came on once again. Then after we celebrated Skye's PICC line removal, Scot landed himself in the ER for nearly passing out and for an irregular EEG. We soon recovered from that when we grew more concerned with the results from our unborn son's ultra sounds, which indicated increasing fluid around his kidneys and talks of heart problems and Downs Syndrome soon transpired. Our son was born and after a slue of tests, he was diagnosed with a partial blockage of his left kidney and we are currently in the process of approaching another round of tests and doctor appoinments once more as the medical bills keep piling in, but I am thankful that we have medical insurance. So many things also occurred during this period of time and I will not take the time to spell out every single event, but one can look at what I have written and know that we have been experiencing a great deal; but in retrospect I am thankful for them all.

It has been during this period of time that I have learned to give God the steering wheel and let him drive. I simply cannot be in control of everything. In doing so, I have found a new outlook on life and my relationship with God that I am not sure if I would have realized otherwise. This outlook is one of joy and hope that only comes from giving it all to God and thanking Him in everything including the bad. When my eldest daughter's fevers continued to spike even after almost 3 weeks, I learned to even thank God that the fever spikes were not so high or that she was able to talk to me and play during them. Again, finding the silver lining anywhere I could find them. In doing so, I slowly became happier because I was not primarily focused on the negative. I have continued as best as I can to carry on with this practice as it has helped me immensely in my life.

Through it God has shown me that I have only come this far because of His love which strengthens me. So you may look at some of what I have to say some days as "grasping for straws" and if you do that is okay, just know that I plan on 'keeping-on' because living this way has given me more joy during trying times than I ever could have originally imagined.