That Still, Small Voice

Over the last 6 months or so, I have been learning to discern between what I sometimes believe are passing thoughts and what I believe is God speaking to me and asking me to obey. Trying to decipher that still, small voice inside can be quite difficult sometimes. I only say it is small because if it were a nice smack in the face--a huge check in the spirit--it would just be too easy! Instead, I am left trying to decide what I believe my mind and soul are saying to me.





Several weeks ago, I felt very strongly that I was to give a neighbor of mine, who had been going through a rough year, a card. In this case, the thought popped into my heart and when the idea kept coming to me during the span of just a few days, I quickly realized that that was what I was supposed to do. However, shortly thereafter, I concluded that a card was to be placed in my neighbor's storm door, a specific date for which I was supposed to do so kept coming to mind. And as this date was amongst a slue of other important dates and hectic time frame for me, as well as it was a few weeks away, I wanted to explain my reasons for why another earlier date would be more fitting because why was I to wait a few weeks anyways... I should go and do it right away and obey quickly. Right...? I mean these are fast moving times to say the least? Waiting is just unheard of! Anyways... the date kept coming to mind and I soon realized that if I was going to make excuses for this particular duty on that particular day, then most likely it was God laying it upon my heart and I was to obey.





As the day arrived, Scot learned that amongst my busy schedule I was going to drop by Hallmark to pick up this card for our neighbor. He remarked that I didn't have to give the card that day and I could do it all on a different day. I looked up at Scot and plainly said, "No, today is the day I am supposed to give the card." I got the card. Wrote what I believed what God was telling me to write and walked it up to my neighbor's house while she was at work. I rested it against her main door and I closed the storm door and I walked away. A few weeks later, when I was outside with my crew, my neighbor came over to me and said "Thank you for the card. I really needed it that day, because that was the one year anniversary of my mother's death."





Now I am not saying this to brag. I am simply stating why it is important to listen and obey when you hear that still, small voice. When something keeps coming to mind, pay closer attention to those thoughts because it may be more than just a simple passing thought. For example, a few weeks ago a totally random face popped into my head. It was someone who I am not friends with at all to say the least. I don't even really know her. I have only been around her a handful of times because she has been a friend to someone near and close to me. Only at certain holiday gatherings and birthday parties that our mutual buddy would put on would we actually see each other and talk a little bit. Other than that, she had absolutely no reason to pop into my thoughts. Well, when this particular person popped into my head one day and when her relationship with that person whom I know came to mind, I just tried to tell myself it must have been a fleeting, passing thought, because I didn't really have any knowledge about their friendship and to be honest with you I never believed it was any of my business as well. But I was puzzled as to why their relationship came to mind. I kept telling myself it must have been a random thought. I don't know the one gal and I didn't really care anything about her friendship with the other person.



Well, about two weeks later, I was on the phone with the person whom I have a direct relationship with, when she told me about how this other person had acted and treated her; and briefly discussed a few of the hurtful things that she had said to her. She told me how she lost sleep over their friendship and how this person's actions had affected her. Then my heart sank, because everything went down with her friend around the time her friend had come to my mind. I am not sure if the outcome would have been much different if I had taken the time to pray, but I figure that if I had taken the time that I spent trying to come up with reasons as to why this person had crossed my mind to pray instead, may be the affects of it all would not have been quite so great.





So now, my rule of thumb is simply this--if you have to spend any moment or thought trying to explain the thought away, then most likely you are being prompted by God to obey. And when it comes to praying for someone, just taking a few short minutes is all that God could be asking of you.

Looks Bad; Works Good

So yesterday's renal scan was a success! Giving God the praise!



After hearing the name of the nurse we had previously and as I was about to request a different nurse, nurse B. entered the room. I was a bit on edge and discouraged when I saw B.'s face, but those feelings quickly subsided when I realized that she was in better spirits and had a pleasant smile. She spoke nicely and was more pleasant to be around. When she took us back into the prep room, she had everything ready for Little Man, including the stabilizing board that they have used in the past but not last week for some reason. Last week Ian kept wanting to play and pull on the IV. The board helps to prevent little one's from messing with the IV and helps hold the IV more secure in a little one's arm, hand or foot.



Ian barely shed a tear during the cath, for which I was proud of him. He even was calm after he cut his "thumb sucking" thumb on his medical bracelet that was around his ankle as he played with his little toesies (Yes, one of my made up words!). He just whimpered when nurse B. cleaned his wound on his thumb.



As strong in spirit as Ian was, his poor self just couldn't handle much more and I couldn't blame him. He screamed his head off during the IV placement and the prep for the test and pretty much the whole entire test time! Screamed, kicked, and flared his limbs everywhere throughout the whole duration of the test. Well, okay not every limb, because our favorite tech sat at the foot of the table and held down Ian's feet due to the fact that Ian had the IV in one of his feet, as Scot and I tried to calm Ian down. No toy, no soothie would sooth him. No sound. No light. No puppets. Not one single person including Nurse B., the tech, the radiologist and the other tech could calm Little Man down. Little Man was angry!



Well finally with three minutes left to go for the test, Ian absolutely succumb to exhaustion of fighting, only to have the IV and catheter removed just minutes later. He woke up and made known his displeasure. He fell asleep as I nursed him and he stayed asleep. He slept as we dressed him, as we walked through out the halls, as Scot and I passed him back and forth amongst each other, as we walked to the van, placed him in his car seat, drove home, got him out of the car seat, as we spoke to the sitter, and two hours after I laid him down in his crib. And only woke up because I forced the issue with him. He even slept through the night.



Today we saw the urologist. Ian's kidney has shown some improvement! I won't get into the technical stuff and numbers because it probably wouldn't mean much to you all, but his kidney function increased by 2 %. So, after talking to the urologist and to sum up what he said, Ian does not need surgery as of now. But he still would like to see Ian because there is still concerns. He explained that Little Man's left kidney will always be larger than the right one. But function is relatively normal right now. He said that there are three categories so to speak. 1.) Looks good; works good 2.) Looks bad; works bad 3.) Looks bad; works good. Ian's is the third description. So we will do another scan is six months.



Thank you for all of your prayers!

A Total Bust (Update on Renal Scan)

The renal scan was a total and utter bust yesterday afternoon. My son was poked and prodded for nothing! It was so irritating and frustrating to say the least. To make a very long story short, Ian's catheter went well and quick, but that would be about all that went well and quick. From missing paperwork to a lady found unresponsive in the restroom, yesterday was anything but easy and smooth.

I am hoping that the hospital was swamped because they only sent one nurse to start Ian's catheter and IV when they usually have 2 nurses and we were forced to be in a different room (not the prep room because they did not want Ian around some of the ailments in there). Anyways, the IV went in with first try, which was great but the following 10 minutes or so of trying to get it taped down correctly and secure was a whole other story. It took, Scot, me, the radiologist and I guess the nurse at the end, to hold down Ian. As many of you know, Ian is a big baby boy and well yesterday he showed everyone that he had strength to match his size! Anyways, the nurse had problems taping and holding the IV at the same time while holding Ian's arm still, so she recruited (if that is what you want to call it) the radiology guy (whom we like very much and has performed the renal scan the prior times) to tape. Well, when he wasn't doing the job well because...well that isn't exactly in his job description the nurse let everyone know that she was displeased with his attempts (as I wanted to reach over and slap her). Blood was everywhere btw. Finally the radiologist said, "How about I hold onto his hand and you tape." Well, that finally worked.

Unfortunately, by this time, Ian was one pissed off baby boy and I don't blame him. Well, we went to breastfeed him to settle him down for the 55 minute test, like we have done for the previous tests. Well by the time we got the first lasix flush to the IV, I could tell there was a problem. Between the struggling to tape down the IV and the time we got him to the table, the vein perforated. A little bit of the lasix got in, but by the time a nurse got to us to start 2nd IV for the 2nd lasix flush, it was just too late. As a nurse from the ER, whom I like much better than the other nurse, was about to go for a nice large juicy vein in Ian's foot and he told little man that he was sorry for pricking him again, the urologist haulted everything declaring there may not be a need to prick Ian, he saw "looping"--whatever that meant--and then he ran out of the room. He came back in with his boss, I assume, and then for some reason the other nurse showed up too and it was declared that the second lasix flush was going to be no good, the test was going to be inaccurate.

I didn't cry, but a huge lump in my throat developed and tears welled up in my eyes. I was frustrated. This week had been a bad week and I felt like it was just too much to ask to have this go well? Really? I am experiencing side effects from the meds for my sinus infection, still couldn't smell, my cat, Pippi, died the day prior and now this...

So the blame game started and I was not going to stand for it. After I stated that next time they should have at least two nurses to place Ian's IV, the nurse declared that it was the time from breastfeeding that caused the collapse. I jumped to my defense telling her that we have always done it that way before, for which she changed her tune because she knew I was pissed and she came to the realization that Scot and I are not dumb parents who have never done this before and we have been forced to know our way around hospitals a lot lately. She shut her mouth right quick. I think it was the combination of the troubles taping and timing to get Ian to the table that caused the vein to perforate.

So, all that to say, Ian's next scan is for Tuesday afternoon. Please pray for us, Ian and the hospital staff. Not looking forward to Tuesday especially when we have to get Skye to her very first gymnastics class by 5 PM as well. Rushing Skye to her first class isn't what I exactly had in mind but we will do what we have always done--we will do what we have to do.

The positives for the day, because I always have to find the silver lining in things now, is that thankfully Scot had a work conflict and was forced to move Ian's urologist appointment from today to Wednesday. Now we have one less phone call to make and something else to change.
We also enjoyed a family dinner out as we had no time and were too tired to make dinner. Ian enjoyed a much needed bath when he got home.

Sorry for any grammar errors, I don't have time to proofread as I have to get myself and my kids ready to head out of the door.

Good-Bye Faithful Friend

Good-Bye My Faithful Friend...

I have to say that I miss her... I miss Pippi already and she only just departed us less than three hours ago. Actually, as I came down the stairs for the first time since she left us, I had Ian in tow as normal, and with my peripheral vision, I thought I saw Pippi on the couch, for which I was about to walk on over to shove her off as her old age had begun to make her one dirty little kitty. I quickly realized that it was just two stuffed animals that had made their way onto the couch. Pippi wasn't there and was never going to be there again.

It was sad. It hit me again as I tossed the stuffed creatures from my couch. Pippi loved me even when I did not always love her back. I thought about the countless times I would get to my side of the bed and Pippi would be on my side--my spot--dirtying up my side of the bed. And I would quickly shove her aside to nurse Ian or whatever. She would turn right back around wanting attention from me.

A year and a half ago, I was done with her I thought. Even called my mom once declaring that I hated Pippi and was done with her. Scot heard this quite often from me as well. While Skye was very sick and when we had H1N1 in the house and me being pregnant with Ian, Pippi was just something else I would have to clean up after, as she was experiencing health problems which included vomiting and diarrhea that I would have to clean up quite often. I was spent and when it came to Pippi, I had nothing left to give and she did not receive much attention from me.

Recently, I began to sit down and pet her more and more. And when she vomited at the most inconvenient times, I didn't yell in frustration anymore. I just would clean it up and almost smile. I think I began to realize how faithful of a friend she had been to me. She was there in bed with me when I was sick with pneumonia. She had been one of the first signs with each of my pregnancies that I was indeed pregnant. She would curl up beside my belly in such a loving way, that when she would do it I knew before I used the pregnancy test, especially when pregnant with Paisley and Ian after experiencing this... wow... just thought I heard the pit patter of her little paws just now. Anyways... after witnessing how Pippi was with Skye's pregnancy I knew what to expect when I saw Pippi's behavior later on. Also, on countless occasions that cat would come right up to me and nuzzle her head against mine when I was bawling my eyes out--true little friend she was to me. She was there for me even when I wasn't for her. Kind of like how God is there for us even when sometimes I could understand why He might just want to abandon the relationship with us and our faithless selves.

Today was a bad day on so many levels. I won't bore you with all the details but it was bad day. Part of it was that we got word the day before that Pippi was fighting 2 chronic diseases for which there wasn't much to be done. My day was doing the usual with a few hiccups in the way and me trying to love on Pippi when I could. I was working on a project for VBS that definitely was not going well by my standards which was really throwing a wrench into things. Anyways... I looked at the clock after finishing some homework with Skye when I realized that it was now or never time to get Pippi outside to enjoy the weather and sunshine. As I got her outside, I realized that Ian had one of the biggest diaper blow-outs he has had in a long time. Mind you, I have been suffering from the worst sinus infection I have ever had. My head has been feeling like it was going to explode right off of my body! And crying with this infection was to a whole new level of pain esp. when merely breathing would make my whole face and neck hurt. Anyways... needless to say my sense of smell has been gone and I have now realized how my sense of smell is an important part of 'mom hood' as dirty diapers is not so easily recognized with out the gift of smell!

Anyways, I left Skye to watch Pippi outside and I told her where Pippi wasn't allowed to journey and if Pippi headed that way to yell. Well, as I was cleaning up this massive poop explosion and watching the minutes tick tocking away for Pippi, I was on the phone with Scot while holding Ian who was finally cleaned up but had only got as far as a clean diaper on when Skye shouted to me that Pippi had gone for the 'forbidden place'--under our neighbor's deck that only had one little opening to fit a small animal. I left Ian at the sliding glass door in his diaper playing with the shades and ran for Pippi, but I missed her. Her tail slipped through my fingers as she journeyed under the neighbor's deck. I ran inside and grabbed tuna for fear that she would curl up under the deck out of my grasp and die; and we would have to take apart my neighbor's deck to retrieve her. Can you imagine the conversation with my neighbor if that were to happen? "Hello, my cat just crawled up and died under your back deck and we need to take it apart to retrieve her." Instead, she came out just in time for me to send her on her way to be put down at 4:30 PM. That thought made my heart sank. My last few minutes with Pippi didn't go the way I wanted them to go. Anyways... I did manage to sit with her for a few minutes to say my last good-byes to my old faithful friend. I told her I loved her and I gave her kisses.

The evening ended with Paisley choking. As I was getting Skye ready for Kid's Club and I was in a daze, I noticed Paisley was choking. I looked at her hand where I saw half of a lollipop had been bitten off and was missing. Scot and I ran over, and Scot performed the Heimlich. Paisley's okay but my heart didn't stop beating like crazy for quite some time after. Not sure why I have mentioned this other than to tell you things were mounting today and just to let you know where we are today.

So now I have to get it together and take Ian to his renal scan tomorrow. He has a cold and some sinus problems going on but after speaking with the nurse from our urologist earlier today, Ian is still going to have his renal scan performed tomorrow. We just have to make sure he drinks even more than he usually does before the scan.

This is where we are at this evening. March has not gotten off to a great start by any stretch of the imagination. We are all sad, on edge and we are missing our dear old friend, Pippi, tonight.

I wish I could cry and have my faithful friend just near by nudging her head against mine and placing her paw on my hand tonight... But here is a difference between earthly relationships and my relationship with God, He is, and will always be, at my side...